 Kind Stranger |
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I don't remember much, honestly, about the days and months of the time of The Great Suck. I do remember people in the building whom I didn't even know asking me with furrowed brows and great sincerity how I was doing, and I would just nod and look down and swallow and try not to burst into tears. The same people who would say, "Girl, you look good!" and I would respond the same way, just wanting to disappear. As I walked through the parking lot towards my car the other day, one of those people stopped me with a huge smile, a little tentative, with some hesitation, and said, "I wanted to tell you that I really admire you for your brave decision." And I looked at her, never having spoken to her before, not sure what floor she works on, remembering her from concerned elevator inquiries in months past, and of course I knew to what she was referring. And I stopped, and I nodded, and I looked down, and she went on, "I was in an unhappy marriage for many years. It was very troubled. I was so unhappy. And I wish I could go back in time and make the decision not to marry him. I admire you. I admire that you did that." And I just nodded again, and blinked, and did not say, "It was not my choice. It was not my decision," so I just stood there speechlessly for a long minute before saying, "Thank you. I mean, yeah. Thanks. ... I mean, you're not married to him anymore are you?" She shook her head vigorously, "Oh, no! No!" and I said, "So you're free now," and she smiled hugely, "Yes! Yes!" And I just kind of shrugged and said, "So am I." And then all of a sudden we hugged for a moment. And it was all very strange, not really awkward, just strange. Because I don't even know her name, and somehow she knew this thing about me, which I guess everyone around here does, because people talk, and what's better to talk about than someone else's problems, and I'm really glad I didn't realize it at the time because it would have made me even more self-conscious and mortified than I already was, but this woman approaching me made me realize that maybe people weren't talking because it was scandalous or just to gossip, but maybe that even if they didn't know me, I seemed nice, and they had been through some heartache too, because God knows we all have, and maybe they felt for me. I mean, it was clear that this woman felt for me. This woman I don't even know. As I got in the car to drive home, I thought, "I was not brave. I was not brave. I am not brave." And I also felt so weirdly pleased to live in a world where a perfect stranger can know something secret about you that apparently isn't secret and even if misunderstanding how it all happened, stop you to say, "You're better off. I know. It is better this way. You are brave and strong." It gave me a lump in my throat that was at the same time sad and glad. I've decided I'm going to use any Christmas money from my parents not to pay off some of my new floors or my splint but to buy a TiVo because if I don't I fear I will never hear the end of it from Amy Lester, who if she has said it once she has said it a million times, "I swear to God, Eliza, if TiVo is made for anyone, it's made for you." I just want to make sure I do it right. Melissa, another TiVo Evangelist, sent me the link offering the $50 rebate, which all sounds swell, but I want to make sure. Is the 40 hour recorder sufficient? And I understand that once I buy the TiVo, I also have to get the monthly $12.95 TiVo service, right? And it says it hooks up to your phone line, but what if I don't have a phone jack anywhere near where the TiVo would be? I guess I can just run some more cords through my living room like I do for my surround sound speakers. Classy! Oh, this is all very stressful to me all of a sudden! So, TiVo people, and I know you are out there, write to me and tell me I won't regret this decision and that it is not scary! Thanks! I am kind of a nervous nelly and I think part of it is that I fear I will love it so much that I will somehow explode with into a TV watching frenzy and leave the house even less than I already do. I'm also scared I won't be able to figure out how to hook it up what with the home theater hookup action about which I remain utterly mystified. So tell me what to do and tell me it's all going to be okay and change my life and all of that! Just tell me! It promises to be a nice weekend. The weather is ridiculous. Cool at night, sunny and clear and 70s during the day. Last night some friends and I toured a big group of shops and galleries having open houses, drank free wine, and ate free chocolate. It was not to be beaten. I'm not sure what I'm doing tonight. Tomorrow I think I'm going to a big-assed arts and crafts festival and hopefully getting some yard work done. And I pick up Shelley on Sunday morning! And HOPEFULLY Maryelizabeth will be arriving on Tuesday but we're just not sure, what with the cervix and the flying and the impending due date and the doctor's orders. And now I can't think of anything else to say, so I offer you pet pictures, three out of four, because Khaki was in no mood to pose this morning.
About this time in ...
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