 Whirling Dervish |
|
For a fundamentally lazy person, I had the most active weekend of all time. Really. The weekend started early on Thursday night when Addy and I went out for sushi and proceeded to engage in a somewhat hilarious adventure involving taking stealthy photographs of a trashy orange recliner that a co-worker left outside the gates of her boss's huge, multimillion-dollar estate so she could submit proof of what a dumbass he is and possibly blackmail him with the possibility of getting fired. I got another invitation for sushi on Friday night and proceeded to enjoy edamame, miso soup, crunchy rolls, California maki rolls, and cucumber salad while my friend's baby shoved everything in her mouth from napkins to packets of artificial sweetener. There was a close call with a dollop of wasabi but disaster was thankfully averted, although I can't say the same about the bowl of miso soup that landed in the (empty) baby seat. The waitress really hated us. I carried the baby around to the sushi station and we watched the chefs slice and dice everything and she grabbed a handful of the ugly plastic grass they inexplicably use as a garnish and threw it on the floor. She's no dummy. I woke up early on Saturday morning and went garage sale hopping with my mom, picking up two lovely white ceramic planters for $1 and $2, respectively, and some pretty pretty fuchsia, royal blue, and turquoise bottles for two bits apiece. We stopped for coffee and I got a strawberry smoothie and a blueberry muffin. I then met my dad and sister at yoga. My dad was so excited we were there as yoga is the love of his life after my mother and college football but you could tell he was trying to be very calm about it and not be too spazzy or excited even though he was. The instructor was very hot and I kept staring at his biceps the entire time. It was also extremely warm in the room and I had to keep my eyes squeezed shut during the loud omming because I knew if I snuck a sideways glance at my sister, I would tee tee on myself. I almost fell over a few times, and my hamstrings are killing me, but I liked it overall. My wrists felt like they might snap in two during the pose after downward facing dog where you swoop down and hold yourself up with your arms, but luckily, they did not. (Oh, it's called upward facing dog! How about that.) I'd have to say that so far this is by far my favorite part of yoga. THEN I met my mom back at my house so we could edge the front yard for the first time in ... ever. S. tried to edge it using a weed whacker once and failed albeit admirably. Mom and I bent down and ripped the grass away in some places as far as a foot over the concrete line. It was hard, hot, and somewhat backbreaking, and I scraped my knuckles and somehow got ant bites all over my toes AND fingers, but there was no way the edger was making it through all of that grass and soil unaided. We also ripped down some vines that were strangling my viberna like a couple of rock stars. My yard looks ever so less white trash now, and that makes me happy. I then mowed the front and back yards. I'm sure I did something really productive for a few hours but I can't remember. I know I went to the new location of what was my favorite, favorite store in college. I bought my sister a candle with a quote about healing and a Rumi card. Oh, and I refused J.'s midafternoon drunken offer of $80 to drive him and his friends to a strip club for bachelor party festivities, lecturing him, "You should have made arrangements for this before the day of! God." I also went to my friend's sister's new bath store and spent $20 on bubble bath, soap, and a candle, because really, how can you go to your friend's sister's new store and not buy anything after they wash your hands with this amazing hand soap salts stuff? The scent I selected from the "scent station" was lemongrass ginger and of course I requested that the bubble bath be blue to match my bathroom walls. At some point during the whirl of activity I just remember going to see my little brother's new house and then ending up on the way to Target with my sister, and we got to Siegen Lane and there was beaucoup lightning so I forced her to turn around so I could put the lawnmower up because I worried that lightning would strike the gas tank and it would explode and burn down my house. See, I worry the exposed gas tank is just a magnet for lightning!
SISSY
ELIZA
SISSY Somehow she did not bludgeon me as I turned the car around. I put the lawn equipment in the store room and we headed back to Target and got VERY VERY wet walking (sloshing) into the store. We bought groceries and house stuff and it was fairly successful although they were out of the bookcases I covet and she couldn't get a refund on the rugs I bought her without her receipt so there was a wee kerfuffle over that. I am so sick of my daily staples that I was hurling very random items into the cart, such as Morning Star veggie sausages and dairy free frozen burritos. Oh, and it ended up not raining one minute drop at my house, so all of the storm preparation was for naught. We were so famished and delirious after Target that when she suggested sushi for dinner, I agreed immediately. So I ate sushi rolls for the third consecutive night. And they tasted just as good as always. I think I could live on sushi rolls for the rest of my life. No memory of late Saturday night. Bath? Book? Felicity? No memory! I woke up in the middle of the night and had to stretch out my hamstrings, which felt like they were on fire. Despite my stunning lack of physical prowess, I am a fairly limber person and during class I comfortably pressed my palms to the floor when bending down with straight legs in a variation on this pose, but between that, the downward dog facing, and the grass ripping upping, I kind of felt like my legs were aflame. I woke up at 5 a.m. and snuggled with the kitties and watched the rousing Andrew episode of Queer Eye, again promising myself to buy a blowtorch (or maybe just some long matches) and invite my girlfriends over to take a page from the '50s and flambé! Sunday. WHAT? WHAT DID I DO? I went to Supercuts and got four inches hacked off of my hair. I love how they always make me take off my glasses so I cannot witness the butchering. I changed my burned-out carport lights. I stopped by Perks to see my sister toiling away on her laptop and got a frozen lemonade and an apple granola bar. I walked across the street to a garage sale and bought two red candles out of pity for the despondent garage salers. I replaced the litter in the litter box. I applied Advantage to the cats and Marley thanked me by sleeping on her back all day on my bed and leaving a stinky wet spot and Khaki hated me so much that she refused a Pounce treat for five solid minutes. I spackled and re-painted the curtain rod holes in my bathroom window. I did a load of laundry. I potted a plant. I used the blower, my new favorite thing of all time, to blow old grass cuttings and dirt and from my back patio and felt highly liberated. I went to the new Ross store and picked out very cute, cheap dog and cat food bowls to purchase but promptly put them down when I reached the one open checkout line and saw 15 people waiting in it. I went to Walmart to buy a couple of plants for my new planters. I hung my pictorial homage to my ancestors. It looks rockin'. I listened to the Mary Poppins soundtrack and Swamp Ophelia while hammering my heart out and somehow they were the perfect combo. I got completely misty-eyed during "A Man Has Dreams," the song that Mr. Banks and Bert sing toward the end. I mean, "Though child'ood slips like sand through a sieve / And all too soon they've up and grown / And then they've flown / And it's too late for you to give." Sob. Not made of stone. Mary Poppins, sometimes, I think, is unfit for children. But I love it anyway. I decided at the last minute to go to mass, so I hopped in my car with my dirty denim shorts and dirty yellow t-shirt and espadrilles and did that. Then I went to my sisters', was greeted by my older brother serenading us with the beginning of "Do Re Mi," and we worked on HER wall hangings. THEN I took a bath with my new bubble bath. I think I tried to re-read The Secret Life of Bees but I think I watched some junk TV until I passed out. It was exhausting. I am ready for a lazy weekend. Of course, this weekend I have a pool party to attend, a Mary Kay party to attend (I am trying to support a friend, so shut up!), and I am the designated shopper for my division for a baby shower at work, so I'll be hitting the baby store. I am getting tired just thinking about it, but I guess it's all good in a devil's workshop kind of a way. And now presenting some pictures from the homage.
© Copyright 2003 elb |
|
