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8/7/03 Drove to Destin today. Am hoping all pets are safe and comfortable. CLOUDY today. All I thought about the entire way over here was sex. Tonight Mom made shrimp and pasta and we all went around the table at her request and said what's going on in our lives. Mom talked about her spiritual direction practicum, moving Memere to St. Clare's, and becoming a Marian Servant. My sister talked about her job, going to Europe, and possibly law school. One brother said that he's waiting on a few big deals to go through and that he might have a ruptured disc. The other brother said he's dating Liz again, starting school soon, and will continue to play two nights a week this fall. Dad talked about going to Italy in November. Then it was my turn. And I burst into tears and talked about how I've started brushing the cats to prevent hairballs and how nothing is going on in my life except watching Felicity on DVD every night until I pass out and that my car is really messy and I'm always worrying that my house is going to burn down. I think everyone was slightly taken aback. I also babbled about how Queer Eye for the Straight Guy has been a bright shining spot in my desolate summer and none of them had ever heard of it but all sat through the beginning during the rerun later that night, I think, because they were alarmed by my hysterical outburst. 8/8/03 It's 7:45 a.m. and I'm the first one at the beach. Why wait? Mom and Dad are at mass and everyone else is sleeping. I am wearing my new hat. The sun is out and it's already fierce. Later I guess it's about dinner time. I had a nice day at the beach and pool. I read The Dirty Girls Social Club, a perfect beach read if ever there was one, and finished Seabiscuit. Mom and I watched part of As the World Turns (her first soap as a child) and she was amazed to see Barbara Ryan and Dr. Hughes but was a little confused when I tried to explain the whole Alison was conceived with her sister's egg thing. I took a long-assed nap and I think we're supposed to go eat at some kind of deli for dinner. I just checked my messages at home and I got a message from B. FUCKING D. at 10:45 p.m. asking how to get in touch with Maryelizabeth for her birthday. It made me feel sick to my stomach. In fact I rather feel like horking off the side of this balcony right about now although I hesitate as I might produce enough vomit to create a river of puke that would flow from the condo to the Gulf of Mexico and that would be tragic. I AM SO SURE THAT HE CALLED ME. He's got his nerve. It made my heart seize with pain and anxiety. I can't even explain it. It was a perfectly nice enough message, but hearing his voice just brought me way too close to associations of S. and I just cannot call him back. I think Jessie was in my nap dream. Weird. If there is anything I enjoy it is sitting out on balconies at sunset, hearing the seagulls chirp, feeling the breeze, and watching the waves.  Of course I thought of THS and my students and my old teaching friends as I drove through P-cola. I can't believe it's been five years since that school year began. That is unreal to me. I have got to put B.D.'s phone call out of my mind. Fuck him and fuck S. and may they remain best friends in dysfunctional disharmony forevermore. I always used to channel Vicki Austin on the beach but now all I can see is Mischa Barton in that godforsaken Disney Channel movie and it upsets me A LOT. In my mind, Vicki Austin did not resemble a heroin addict supermodel and Adam Eddington was the hottest, most soulful man who ever lived. I think I shall now pretend that the movie, while bearing the same name as my beloved book and featuring characters of the same name, was NOT in fact based on it and was in fact just a depraved coincidence. Mischa Barton, I hereby exorcize you from the spirit of Vicki Austin. (Don't worry. This does not mean I will not be tuning in every single Tuesday night to watch you on The O.C..) 8/9/03 I am the first on the beach at 8 a.m. and just chilling with my books. Slept like bung last night. Crazy dreams about children being sent into space and somehow S. and I ended up on this weird maze of a Ray Bradbury-esque planet where we had to follow all of these riddles to find our way around and we kept losing each other from room to room and we came to a silver plaque on the wall with a rhyme about "Tuesday's Child" and something about a green-eyed child named Anne with the middle name Renee and all of a sudden Annegrrl was there looking concerned and befuddled. And I asked S. if he was going away on a business trip in March and he said yes. And it was all very trippy and Warholian. And he did indeed go away in March but not on a business trip. And dreams are fucked up. And I think I need to stop trying to analyze this one and read Atonement now. Because clearly what I need. Is to be depressed.  8/11/03 Back from the beach. Crazy dreams again last night. J.E.F. married a girl from our grade school and for some reason it REALLY UPSET AND ENRAGED me. And then he wanted me to help him with his sheet music homework for choir class and I could not remember how to figure out what keys things are in by counting the flats. It was all very weird. It was a nice final day and evening in Florida. My dad and I drove around for a while and he bought me a smoothie and a scoop of ice cream and we stood in Zoo Gallery and read cards so funny that we practically fell on the floor and wept. My dad's favorite was one that said, "It's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the eye with a dick." I loved the black and white cards with one word on the cover like "enigma" or "communication" and a simple typed message inside such as "You do all the right things. Why are you still such an asshole." and "Don't write. Don't call. Never talk to me again." They were AWESOME! If I could find them online I think I would buy an entire box. (Edited to add: My dad, who is still in Destin, went back to the Zoo Gallery for me to find out the name of the cards. They are Garage Cards. My favorites include Enigma, Communication, Loss, Faith, and Knowledge, among many others.) We went to eat at a cajun restaurant for dinner because obviously we don't get enough crawfish etouffee at home. Not sated by my plain old key lime cheesecake from the previous night, I ate a hearty slice of white chocolate raspberry key lime cheesecake for dessert. I then promptly went into a coma on the couch. My little brother and I left at six in the morning and passed the time by singing Moulin Rouge, Dashboard Confessional, Ellis Paul, and God help us, Avril Lavigne. I went to Target for groceries and bought J. the lamp he wanted and dropped it off for his birthday. I picked up the dogs and we had a joyful reunion until I set them loose thinking Marley was in my room and really she wasn't and a high speed chase ensued and I picked her up just before Zuko caught her and she proceeded to piss herself and draw blood from every single one of my appendages. I comforted her with a thorough brushing and two Pounce treats and everyone seems happy now. The dogs leapt through the yard and writhed around in the grass and overall I think everyone's glad to be home. 
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