 Caught! |
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I'm sure everyone will breathe a huge sigh of relief now that Daisy's been to the vet. I know that, following a short fit of humiliation and discomfort, she did. She actually started flailing in happiness after her nether regions were attended to. (Prior to that, she peed on the bench in the exam room and all over the table as soon as the vet bent over here. My dear, frightful dog.) Her new theme song is officially "Express Yourself." Hey, hey! Although I don't think she'll ever look at rubber gloves the same way again. The past few days have been a blur of watching the news about the serial killer case. I was watching a rerun of The Guardian and rereading Rachel's Holiday on Tuesday night when the local news suddenly interrupted to announce that the guy had been apprehended. I sat up so quickly I almost fell off the couch. I still can't believe it. I'm so accustomed to being scared that he is watching me, that he is coming after me, that he is hiding in my utility room. I know that sounds crazy, but I mean, how was I to know that I would not be next? Not to be a narcissist, because how could anyone know that she would not be next? I realize that the odds were in my favor, I guess, but still. Still. It was very scary to walk around looking not unlike his victims, to worry about my mom opening the door for someone because she is kind, to be scared to walk my dogs by myself, to sit there and count the months going by since the last attack and expecting him to strike again soon. I don't really know how to shift out of that. Like, just because he's behind bars doesn't mean there are not other crazy people out there or that I won't get hit by truck while walking the dogs or fall down an elevator shaft or get cancer or West Nile. There are still plenty of threats to health and safety in the world. Even though knowing that this particular killer isn't a threat anymore does make me feel somewhat better, I feel like the fear is so ingrained in me know that it will be difficult to shake. I still obsessively turn my alarm on even when I'm only inside for five minutes. I still sleep with the phone and the pepper spray on my bedside table and leave most of the inside lights on at night. I still think of those five women many, many times every day, and wonder why he chose them, and how he got them, and how many more there really were, and now I am inordinately more sickened because he's been going after women for years, and nobody's stopped him, and I just feel like someone should have figured it out long before they did. I don't know when I will stop feeling ill over the whole thing. If ever. Last night, I was forced to go out and drink after work because the day truly ranked down there with the bottom of the freaking barrel as far as crappy days go. I proceeded to send a few drunken emails and then talk to Erin for the first time after she instructed me to send her my digits while referring to me as "Drunkiekins." Erin rocks my socks off. She's been great with the moral support since the breakup from hell, and her writing is amazing, and her haircut is sublime, and she's getting so in shape that I think she could probably kickbox my ass. No, I know she could. I'm afraid I wasn't the soberest for the conversation, so I'm sure I sounded like even more of a hick than I usually do, and I think I dropped about thirty f-bombs, but whatever! Erin's cool like that. We talked about how Jessie might be the best writer ever and about hook-ups and about jobs and she said, "You sound like AB," and I think I might have said, "I have a crush on her! Zounds!" or something crazed and stalker-esque like that and she asked me how far Monroe is from where I live and I was basically too drunk to figure it out. Basically, we talked about moving on and choosing life. Erin is just an inspirational person to know, and I'm so glad that I do. Speaking of awesome people, Dawn definitely merits a mention. I've known her for a long time, and we even met in February, but it was the literally night before all of the shit started hitting the fan with S., so I never really followed up on our fun dinner when she came to town and never publicly recognized how sweet, funny, and lovely she is in person (as in her journal). She sent me a book off of my wishlist and a box of wine glasses because she could not bear to think of me drinking wine out of coffee mugs. I am so thrilled to have new wine glasses that I won't have to stamp with a big "RETURN TO SENDER" note with the canned "I truly appreciate this generous gift but feel it would be most appropriate to return it because BLAH WEDDING'S OFF BLAH BLAH BLAH HEARTBREAKCAKES" language. Truly, Dawn, thank you, and I can't wait to see you again. I'm sorry our last visit was so blurred by the chaos that ensued the next day. My sister and I are getting take-out tonight and watching my friend's baby. I'm excited! I feel that the baby and I bonded the last time I babysat and are now like this (picture me crossing my index and bird fingers). She only really cried shriekishly when she had a poopy diaper, and I stalwartly changed it, and after that, she was a gigglebox. She has a little seat that actually vibrates. It's kind of astonishing the things they make for babies these days. That's all for now. Don't forget to watch The Amazing Race tonight! It's the best reality show ever!
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