 Not Quitting |
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I completed week 4. It was definitely a turning point, I think, because I did days 2 and 3 outside, which made a world of difference. It was still very difficult for me, but I was saved during the running segments by the following: 1.) My neighborhood. My house is nothing special, but there are some beautiful homes and gorgeous trees and streets that still give me a little shivery thrill of contentment when I'm walking or jogging or driving down them. 2.) The magnolia trees in glorious bloom. 3.) Butterflies. 4.) Sidewalk shadows. 5.) A playlist timed to match the segments that included Living In Twilight and Nobody Knows Me at All by The Weepies for the 5-minute walking warm-up, Score Tonight from Grease 2 for the first 3-minute run, Hymn for a Sunday Evening (How can any family be half as fortunate as we? We'll be coast to coast with our favorite host, et cetera) for the 90-second walk, the Felicity theme and Hey Ya for the first 5-minute run, Jolene by the Weepies for the 2.5-minute walk, You Can't Hurry Love by the Dixie Chicks for the second 3-minute run, Nothing Like the City from Ragtime for the 90-second walk, Up and Forever and for Always by Shania Twain (shut up) for the last 5-minute run, and Gotta Have You and World Spins Madly On by the Weepies for the 5-minute walking cool-down. I mean, really. Enjoyable! (Turns out that Jessamyn told me about the Weepies way back in 2004 and I stupidly did not heed her recommendation.) I'm glad to have made it this far mainly because it's nice to know that I can actually practice the concept of mind over matter, and hopefully I can apply this idea to other aspects of my life. In other words, lots of times I don't start things because I'm sure I'll just quit or that I won't be able to do them at all, but I haven't quit this yet even though I want to with every step of every run, so maybe I can tackle more things that seem scary and impossible. I don't know. We'll see. A side observation is that there are oodles of dead frogs littering the sidewalks of my otherwise magnificent neighborhood. It was a lovely weekend overall. On Friday night, my boyfriend and I ate at an old Italian restaurant that was once the favorite of my friends and me. We went there all the time, sat in the dark, slurped up red sauce, drank Chianti, and laughed and cried our ways through many special and ordinary occasions. It shut down for a while and then reopened, but I hadn't been back because I'd been afraid to spoil my memories if it sucks these days. It didn't suck, and the red sauce was still excellent, and it was a nice dinner even though Ernest the waiter wasn't there to serenade us with Moon River anymore. On Saturday, we got up and went to the market, where we ate quiches and drank orange juice and bought mini-raspberry scones and a chocolate chip coffee muffin. We each went off to do our exercise, which means that he took off to run like the wind and I heave-hoed my way through my thirty minutes. We ran a bunch of errands. We stopped and visited for a little while with my parents. We watched a little of The L Word season three over chicken shawarma takeout. At some point we watched Everything Is Illuminated, which seemed very far-flung from the novel, but it wasn't altogether terrible even though Elijah Wood is irritating no matter what. I can't tell you in all the ways that it differs from the book because while I loved the book intensely, I have very poor memory retention when it comes to books I've only read once. On Sunday, we went out to breakfast and he left before lunch, and my mom came over and we tackled some out of control viburnums. My mom is such a yard warrior that it stuns me. She is an impressive lady. After an afternoon largely spent sawing and clipping and hauling and dodging giant falling viburnum tops, she went home and I went to bed. I knew I needed a nap, but I always wake up from naps feeling so sick, annoyed, and groggy that I regretted taking it. I headed over to my parents' house for Mother's Day boiled shrimp and crawfish etoufee and it was delicious and fun. I am very lucky to have my mom. (And my dad, whose birthday it was.) Here are my thoughts on The L Word season three so far. Don't read this paragraph if you don't want to know what happens. First of all, a complete about-face has been achieved with the Helena character. What? Last season she was obnoxious, pushy, and not likeable by any standard and was responsible for getting Bette fired and now she's super chummy with Alice and has integrated herself into the group even though she and Tina broke up? Huh? Whatever. I don't appreciate being made to like her. It's impossible not to now, basically. Last night she made out with Ellen DeGeneres' ex-girlfriend, which was strange. I assume Jennifer Beals was pregnant in real life during this season -- it's hard to miss. She looks beautiful still. I am very frustrated that there's been nary a scene addressing the actual breakup between Dana and Alice. Like, we get that Dana was seeking closure with Lara but all we know is that they are now back together. When we ended season two, Alice and Dana were clearly madly in love. All they need is a little scene where Dana explains that she really did love Alice but that Lara was her first real love and she never got over her and still wanted to be with her above all. Would that be so hard? No. And Lara was at least interesting in season one -- we got why she and Dana were together -- now she just stands there and smiles blandly looking all blonde and ethereal and Alice is still leaps and bounds more interesting than Lara could ever be even though she's apparently sort of bonkers now. I don't really blame her for going insane. I think anyone would if forced to be in the presence of her ex all the time while getting it rubbed in her face how happy she is with the person she left you for. Ugh! I love Alice and feel terrible for her. I also still love Dana, but I feel like this was not handled very well. And how Shane could even consider for one iota of a second going back to Sherry Jaffee when she has the prettiest, nicest girl probably ever to live on planet earth in Carmen is totally beyond me. And Tina's dirty chat sessions are disturbing. And I don't have any idea what to make of Moira/Max. And I think Mangus the manny is very cute. And I am certain that Dana's breast cancer storyline and the ultimate outcome is going to permanently traumatize me. I now must go and brace myself for the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. I have a feeling that I might need to be sedated to get through it without totally freaking out not unlike Izzy in last night's episode. This show gets to me in a really ridiculous way. DO IT FOR ME, DENNY. DO IT FOR ME.
About this time in ...
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