 Late Night Listing |
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Here's what happens during one of the busiest weeks in the history of your career (thankfully not quite as busy as this week was but now at least you know what you're doing at least a little bit more). (Sadly, the link of the cursing TV stars for the British Channel 4 ad in that entry does not work anymore -- wait, here's another link -- YAY. You have no idea why watching this reel makes you so happy.) 1.) Your sister comes home for spring break and you have almost no free time to spend with her. 2.) You get your period and you can't sleep for your throbbing womb and that's not very good when you have to concentrate literally every second of every hour on work. 3.) The new Veronica Mars for the first time in months comes on but you don't have time to watch it. 4.) Maureen Stapleton dies and you feel sad because you remember her as the Electric Grandmother who could make orange juice shoot out of her finger. 5.) Your brother plays two gigs and you work too late to see either of them. 6.) Everyone gathers to watch basketball games and eat your mom's special Chinese chicken salad but you work too late to make it. 7.) A notice comes in the mail that it's time for your cats' annual checkup which you throw away because you've decided that you've spent hundreds and possibly thousands of dollars vaccinating two perfectly healthy cats who not once their lives with you have set foot outdoors except to travel to the vet against diseases that they can only catch outside. You're not going back until one of them gets sick. They are disgustingly, beautifully healthy and you just don't think it's worth the money or the trauma they go through getting there and back. Based on estimations at the time she arrived, Khaki is now either six or seven, and Marley is only four and a half. They are babies. You do not think there exist in the world better cats than these although you are quite fond of my boyfriend's grey girl. You don't take their youth or their health for granted, but you just feel like dragging them into that germified place to be shot up for no reason might do them more harm than good. You could be crazy. You could just be cheap. You don't know. 8.) You order a Dogloo upon the high recommendation of Sundry and others. You decide to try one out before you splurge for two. Because you are an idiot who is convinced your dogs' quality of life will severely deteriorate if they are ever made to suffer through one spring rain shower. 9.) Your mother calls you at work and you bark, "CAN'TTALKRIGHTNOW!" at her and then slam the phone down in her ear and you feel like a very nice person. 10.) You watch Grey's Anatomy special features before you go to sleep but there aren't that many of them so you're still awake when they end so you fall asleep thinking about the dream you had last night in that way that last night's dream always comes back to you as you lie there fading away, which was that Steve Carrell wanted to author a piece of legislation outlawing olive oil in Italian restaurants as a "joke bill." 11.) You curse yourself for still not starting to watch The Office (U.S.) because you think you'd like it. 12.) You listen to the song "Grand Central Station" by Mary Chapin Carpenter and have to put your head down on your desk while you sniffle away in tears. It could be such a cheesy song in that it's about September 11, 2001, I mean, come on, but it's not. It's just pretty. It's about a rescue worker who works every day on the pile and goes to Grand Central every night and feels like he's carrying the souls of the missing there with him, letting them off on whatever train would let them go home. She has a way of writing about these things that is not sappy, is not exploitative, but at its core is just human. You love her and wish she would go back to Chastain Park this summer so you could drive to Atlanta again with your sister and sit in the grass and eat sandwiches on white bread and drink cold white wine in that perfect summer picnic sort of way and listen to her sing. 13.) You break your Lenten resolution in spades by consuming four million baby Reese's Easter eggs over which you have proven year after freaking year to be totally powerless. 14.) You keep reading about March Madness but realize that you have no idea what March Madness actually is other than it involves basketball but you don't know what it means to "do" March Madness. 15.) You wonder if the color of your face after eating so much chocolate will classify as an appropriate wearing of green for St. Patrick's Day. 16.) Then it deepens in greenish hue due to your dinner consumption of three slices of veggie pizza and two Samoas for dessert, which hello, are now apparently known as Caramel Delights. News to you. 17.) You get home after midnight while many of your compadres are still at work because they are way better warriors than you are and you play on your computer and type this entry because you are too wound up to sleep. 18.) Your friend with whom you lived for two years goes into labor and delivers a strapping young baby boy to no one's greater surprise than his parents' -- the parents who were informed during various sonograms that their unborn child was a girl and now have a house full of pink frilly dainty baby girl things for which they have no practical use and said dad called you to report this news while laughing so hysterically he could hardly speak and for a moment you know that everything will be okay in this crazy unpredictable life.
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