 Goodbye, Tree |
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Once upon a time, some idiot who lived in my house before me planted a Chinese tallow tree in the front yard. Although my backyard is full of trees that could stand to be cut down because they are assy, this tree was by far the assiest surrounding my abode. Not knowing much about trees when I moved in, I was somewhat aghast by the widespread hatred of this tree. I thought it was lovely and green, but little did I know that people hate Chinese tallow trees with an unmatched fury. One of my neighbors even offered to cut it down himself so it would stop dropping its demon pods all over his driveway. And it's true. It's ugly. With no leaves, it kind of looks like a witch. The only tree I've had cut down previously was the dead pine tree that lost its top and was threatening to fall at any moment, but I've put off doing any more tree work because it is MOTHERFUCKING PROHIBITIVELY EXPENSIVE. But I want to plant a pretty front flower bed, and that is impossible without sunlight, and Chinese tallow trees are just deep in the bunghole of the bowels of undesirable trees and are basically the devil, so I decided it was time for this tree to go. And now it's gone, and my house looks tiny and naked, and the weedy mess of my front bed is ever so much more visible, and I want to plant one or two pretty littler trees, like Japanese magnolias or a crepe myrtles or something. I don't know. I have a giant patch of ground-up stump and roots for a front yard now, and I'm not sure how to cope with that. I guess I'll shovel up the dirt/shredded wood and wheel barrow it to the backyard, but then what? Do I replant grass? If so, when? Where can I plant the new tree or trees? When? It would be helpful to have someone around who knows these things, but since I don't, I'm just going to have to research it myself. Which clearly I can do, because I am neither helpless nor an idiot, but I am lazy and just wish someone would do it for me! Terrible, but true. Meanwhile, was last night's crop of singers on A.I. the worst we have ever seen or WHAT? I voted for Bri about twenty times, because even though she sucked hard last night, she's still my favorite. (Why would she ever sing a Norah Jones song? Norah Jones has the most beautiful voice known to man, and no one can out-Norah Norah. And it totally didn't fit her style. DISAPPOINTING. But she still has personality in spades over the rest of them.) Addy and I watched it while eating pad thai so hot it made us cry. Well, either that or the singing made us cry. It's hard to say. I was so ill all night long that I took a Benadryl to help me sleep which proceeded to dry me out so mercilessly that I spent the entire night guzzling water and wandering deliriously through the house filling up various sinks with water in which to stick my face in order to rehydrate because my throat and nostrils were aching from the very act of trying to breathe. I didn't run my heater in the attempt to not to further dry out my house, but it got down to 60 and I'm a wimp so I put it back on. I resorted to buying a humidifier on the way to work this morning and hopefully that will help me to sleep through the night. I need to do some research on whether the clear or the green snot is the bad kind. I will refrain from sharing which kind I am wallowing in. A humidifier. I am officially geriatric.
© Copyright 2004 elb |
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