February 10, 2004 Resumed Chewing

In the past, when I would dream about S., I would wake up terribly upset. I still dream about him every now and then, but now I just wake up, shrug, think to myself, "Par," unclench my teeth, roll over, and go back to sleep. Last night I dreamt that he showed up in a bright blue car that was a combination BMW and Jetta that he bought for $37 because he charmed the saleswoman. We were kissing under my parents' carport. This morning I saw on the news that a man was found floating in the body of water near where he works (Lives? Worked? Who the hell knows?), and I realized that I had stopped chewing my turkey bacon and sat there for a minute, stunned and worried, just wondering, thinking, imagining, worrying, as the newscaster said that police haven't identified him or determined whether there was foul play. After a moment, I resumed chewing and rolled my eyes at myself for allowing my heart rate to quicken even a little bit in apprehension. ::: Last night I also dreamt that Tess (my camp counselor who would dance around with the cabin broomstick and sing "I'm a Fanatic!" about Jesus) and I were fighting over the use of a car. I was hurt after falling down a hill, but she trumped me by saying, "But I'm pregnant!" So I got to limp around, and she got the car. ::: We got our new employee badges, and my picture is the same one as was taken several years ago in which my nostrils are flared like olfactory parachutes. I'm thinking of wearing it all the time because it's just so flattering. ::: I thought Diane Lane was wonderful on Inside the Actor's Studio. I've always liked her and thought she was beautiful, but I never knew that she's had such a damn interesting life. She comes across as really smart, and it's odd, because her boyfriend, Josh Brolin, does not. (My love for him as Brand notwithstanding.) ::: Dawn sent me a generous gift card to Target as an early birthday gift, and I was so excited! I don't know yet what to put it toward, but I'm excited to figure it out. I mean, the possibilities are endless. I need a blower and some patio furniture and a rattan plant stand and a cordless screwdriver and don't even get me STARTED on my lamp fetish. Based upon my regular weekend spending there, I swear to God that I single-handedly keep both Target and Cost Plus World Market in business. ::: Happy two month birthday, niece o' mine. ::: About this time in ... 2002: My calf muscles are still really messed up but I will go to yoga tonight and endure and then watch the pairs figure skating because I am a sucker for them even though I always think of My Sergei (R.I.P.) and start crying all over again. 2001: So, no, I won't be seeing Hannibal either. I don't need any more scenarios to imagine unfolding right here in my hometown, violent and small. 2000: 2/10: Sometimes it's a little strange to think about the things my parents get to do. 2/9: This poem was written by one of my grandmother's students about her and published in the 1962 edition of her university's literary magazine. get notified. journal archives © Copyright 2004 elb

I've added more old pictures. Don't you want to go check out what Toni is writing? Yes, you do! HAS ANYONE HAD ANY SUCCESS MOVING HIS OR HER NOTIFY LIST FROM TOPICA TO NOTIFYLIST.COM? I have written to notifylist.com numerous times per their instruction to tell them I want them to host my existing list, but I have had nary a reply from them. I want to be able to switch over without you guys having to do anything, but without hearing back from them, I cannot. Curses!