Thoughts while watching Twilight DVD

We might need to have a conversation about this movie. (I'm about 1/2-way through it, and I had to sit down and write down these thoughts!)

Here are my thoughts:

(1) I think the studio, or whoever's in charge, made the RIGHT decision in not letting the same woman direct the upcoming movies. There is a lot wrong with this movie, but I think the buck stops with her. It is just so weird, overdone, cheesy, and weirdly paced in every possible way.

(2) I feel like this movie is almost a parody of the book. Clearly the book is ridiculous in its own way, but I don't really think this movie does it justice, if that's possible.

(3) The music is boring.

(4) The diamond skin glistening up on the mountain was shoddily done and RIDIC.

(5) Kristen Stewart, whom I have seen really shine and be excellent in other things (Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak, Into the Wild), must have (I can only assume) realized this project was not going to be very well done because she totally phones in every moment she's on screen.

(6) I cannot imagine seeing this in a theater without everyone bursting out laughing the entire time. Is that what happened?

(7) OH NO, now they are lying in the grass staring at each other and the camera is spinning around them in slow circles and he started to diamond glisten again! I want to die.

(8) Thank God I have this leftover Irish soda bread to keep me company or I think I would not be able to take it.

(9) Bella's narration is lame and unnecessary. I guess they thought it was needed to fill in blanks as far as Bella's thoughts, but everything she says is obvious and things the audience would know anyway. LAME.

(10) With the exception of Jessica, whom I thought was good, the casting of the rest of the friends crowd was piss-poor. Wasn't Michael supposed to be a really nice guy? He is totally a dork here and so embarrassing to watch. (He played the nerdy brother on Joan of Arcadia and was much better on that.) I BLAME THE DIRECTOR.

(11) The part when Carlisle bites Edward's neck in 1918 was a little too erotic for children's viewing in my opinion.

(12) The analogy of vampires living on animals to humans living on tofu -- they are never fully satisfied -- must have pissed off a lot of vegetarians/vegans. Tofu is totally satisfying if you know how to cook it! I'm just saying.

(13) I do understand the love of Edward Cullen because the actor is very handsome, that cannot be denied, and he's sometimes funny when he's not being SUPER ANGSTY. I also like imagining his English accent in real life.

(14) I feel bad for the actors who play Edward and Bella because they are now super famous, have to promote the movie all over the place, and clearly sort of hate it, and now they are in it for the long haul. I wonder if they knew what they were getting into? Why am I overthinking this so much?

(15) The Harry Potter movies are a lot better.

(16) When are they going to make out?!?!? JEEZ! (She declared she is unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him, but no making out yet.)

(17) When the vampire sister broke the salad bowl when Edward said Bella already ate, that was FUNNY and the best part so far!

(A little later ...)

(18) It got better once they kissed.

(19) Once the bad vampires showed up during the ridiculous baseball scene, the whole movie got so much better.

(20) I liked the ballet school fight scene.

(And ... I'm done.)

(21) I don't really understand how we, are an audience, are supposed to buy into Bella & Edward as an epic love story.

(22) I don't even really think the movie shows how / when they fell in love. Was it when they were flying through the trees? If not, when?

(23) Also, didn't Jacob have a bigger part in the book? He is barely in the movie. So weird! He just shows up at the end to tell her to break up with Edward and then glares at Edward real hard. What?

(24) I really really really want to hear your thoughts on this movie! I feel like it just wasn't good. I don't think it did a good service to the fans of the book.

(25) What are the public's impressions of the film? Did the fans love it? Hate it? Love to hate it?

(26) Perhaps the most burning question of all is why Bella was allowed to wear that hideous maw-maw sweater over her prom dress? WTF!!!!!!!!!!

(27) ALSO, and I think this is my major beef: I don't think this sends a very good message to young girls. Why would a girl want to DIE in order to be a VAMPIRE just so could she would be with her boyfriend forever? This is twisted, un-feminist, and fucked up.

Thoughts?

Steven Curtis Chapman

My siblings and I have always loved the song "I Will Be Here" by Steven Curtis Chapman. It is a beautiful song. The live version, not the original version, which has way too many instruments and is kind of cheesy. This live version that has gone on many a mix tape and mix CD over the years. I've never known any of his other music. Wait, I take that back. The summer at camp when I was a junior counselor, the summer between junior and senior years of high school, we learned "When You Are a Soldier" in sign language. (Learning songs in sign language = big thing at camp. And at school -- I still remember "We Are the World" from fifth grade. Anyway.) But other than that, I've never really known much about old Steven Curtis Chapman.

I just watched his family on Larry King, and I have to say first and foremost that Larry King is a complete creep. I am sorry. But if you are interviewing a family about their child who died tragically, please get the child's name right. And when you are politely and graciously corrected on the child's name, please don't get it wrong AGAIN. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. I am so disgusted with him right now. One the one hand, we had Robin Roberts interviewing them on "Good Morning America." And she was, as she always is, gentle and sharp and completely believable in her kindness and empathy. The contrast between these two interviewers was striking and shocking. Larry King is shocking! Am I the only one who feels this way? He is horrible! Like, way to make the grieving family feel even worse, Larry!

Steven Curtis Chapman has a beautiful family. My parents believe like they believe, and I think it is a beautiful thing. To me, it seems sort of delusional in a way, but I don't mean that in a mean way. I really do think it is beautiful. If that is how the family is getting through this, more power to them. They seem like warm, loving, wonderful people.

I'm not sure if the live version of the song is available through iTunes or what album it came from. I don't even know where we originally got it. I hope it's available somewhere because it's really beautiful. It doesn't have organ or violins or anything cheesy ... just acoustic guitar and some piano, I think. Okay! This just in ... it's on "The Live Adventure" album. It's the perfect wedding song to me, but it's also a song that makes me think of friends and family members. It's just about loving people your whole life through.

Searching, searching, searching ... okay! Here it is. Beautiful song.

You're nice, Steven Curtis Chapman & family. Suck it, Larry King.

Oprah is pissing me off.

Lately I've decided that I kind of dislike Oprah.

It started when she, Gayle, and some other women went on some kind of Life Challenge weekend in the desert or some place. And part of it was about conquering fears and phobias. And Gayle was afraid of heights. So she had to climb up a pole and jump from it while swinging around through the air from some kind of rope. And she was scared out of her mind; that was clear. And Oprah laughed and laughed at her, both there and in the studio while watching the tape in front of the audience. She laughed harder than I've ever seen her laugh. She laughed at Gayle while Gayle was frozen in fear, laughed until tears came out of her eyes. And I thought, "You know, that is really very shitty of Oprah to laugh while her best friend faces a fear that is obviously very real to her." I would not appreciate it very much if, while I was doing something that scared me to death, such as being around cockroaches (not that I would ever try to conquer that fear at a Life Challenge, oh hell no), someone I love stood by and laughed at me. I've no doubt that Gayle and Oprah's love for each other is real and true, and I'm sure Gayle could look back on it later as a positive thing and even laugh at herself, but at the time, it wasn't funny to her at all. But hoo boy, it sure was to Oprah. Nice, Oprah. Really nice.

So it was with that sort of displeasure with Oprah that I saw part of last night's episode, which described a straight man who lived with a gay man for thirty days in San Francisco. (You can read more about this "experiement" here.) This was an All-American whitebread sort of man who was very anti-gay. And he said that he agrees with Bush that marriage between gay people is wrong. And he said that murdering someone and being gay are both sins, and sin is all the same in the eyes of God. And in the end, he realized that if his children end up gay, he will still love them and want them to have the same rights as straight people. Well, great. How nice of him to have this epiphany. But Oprah just found it all a bit too funny, this guy's experience with the gay community in San Francisco. And HERE he goes to his FIRST GAY BAR! Oh, the HILARITY. It was treated like he was just some dumb jolly doofus from the midwest, and isn't it sooooo funny to watch him be uncomfortable around GAYS. Like bigotry is so hysterically funny. I can't really describe it, but the tone of the whole thing really put me off and soured me so harshly against Oprah that I had trouble falling asleep after watching it. It just burned me up. I could not imagine her in a million years treating bigotry against African Americans or women or some other socially disenfranchised group so lightly and playing it all up for humor. It made me feel actually sick. It does not even matter to me that Oprah clutched hands with the guy in a big double-handed high five at the end for coming to his senses (allegedly) that hey! Gay people are people, too! Because I think that for as long as people regard anti-gay jerks as these harmless ignorant people who don't really hurt anyone with their backward, hateful ideas about how gays are sinners and shouldn't be able to get married and oh yeah, that he was worried his new gay roommate would rape him the first night he stayed there -- hello?! -- then we will never really make real progress against organizing against their discrimination and prejudiced laws and stopping them from being elected. It's not funny. It's not cute. It's not harmless. And Oprah should be ashamed of herself.

Meanwhile, I've added several links in the Tony Awards entry to videos of my favorite Tony moments, if you're into that sort of thing.

Elisabeth Ignoramus Hasselbeck

Oh, Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Today on The View: Joy Behar said, "I want a president who believes in the Constitution rather than in God."

And Elisabeth, in her infinite wisdom, said with all of the force and authority in the world, "Our Constitution has God ALL OVER it!" As if that were the most obvious, no-brainer of a statement ever uttered.

No, Elisabeth. God is most certainly not "all over" the Constitution.

Sigh.