Taking stock
So some things happened 10 years ago this summer.
HOME
In June of 1999, I moved back to my hometown after a year away teaching high school. A crazy, difficult, bizarre, sometimes wonderful and thrilling year. I moved in with two girlfriends in a rent house. We had cats and dogs and fun times. This home was in the same neighborhood where I live now. In fact, other than childhood and the year away and the summers away, I have pretty much always lived in or adjacent to this neighborhood ... from my college apartment to a long housesitting gig to the two rent houses I lived in before buying this one. Anyway. This is my hood. I like it. This weekend, I went on a bike ride around the lakes and hot air balloons appeared over my head, drifting through the sky and reflecting on the water. Bright bursts of color. Runners and bikers going around with their mouths wide open, huge smiles, actual "ooohs" and "ahhhhs!" as the sun rose. It was one of the finest neighborhood moments ever and reminded me of how glad I am that I live here.
DOG
In July of 1999, I got a dog. My first ever very own dog. (Here is a tiny picture of her tiny self the day I brought her home.) I got her at the animal shelter. Someone I knew from grade school had found her and was dropping her off, so I just took her in the driveway of the place before she even brought her in to process her. I just knew right away that I loved her. She was really shy, so I named her Daisy. She was about six months old at the time. She is still here and still kicking. I fell really in love with her, and she is still my favorite. Don't tell the others. 10 years ago, I did not anticipate that a couple of years later I'd have another dog. And then a cat. And then another cat. (Sigh.) I love them all, but she came first, and I cannot believe we have been together 10 years. 10 years! Daisy. Wow.
JOB
Also in July of 1999, I got a job. It sort of came out of the blue. It seemed like a good fit for me, and the people seemed nice. It still is, mostly, and they still are. Sometimes I wonder if 10 years is too long to have the same job. Maybe it is. Maybe I will not have this job forever. But I still mostly quite love working there, especially the people I work with, and feel luckier than ever to do so.
ONLINE JOURNAL
10 years ago today, I posted a journal entry online. I had no idea what I was doing. I wrote an entry about soulmates. This is very embarrassing. But I was 24 years old. And I definitely still believed in soulmates back then. A few major relationships later, I'm not sure I do anymore. I don't mean that in a down on relationships kind of way, just in a "I'm 10 years older and the word 'soulmates' sounds a little too hocus pocus woo-woo love for me" way. And that's okay.
Four years ago, I reminisced about starting my online journal and went through a pretty thorough account of the whole history, so I won't rehash all of that today.
I'm not sure how I feel about this site these days. Every time someone in my life tells me that they've come across it, I feel mortified, like it's a punch in the stomach, and I want to pull the whole thing forever. But then ... I don't know. I also feel sort of ready to tell my family about it. They are my faves, you know? How can I have done this all this time and not told them? That's just kind of weird. My mom and I saw Julie and Julia, so at least now I know she knows what a blog is. Hi, Mom! This is my blog. (I am writing that to encourage myself to tell them.) Mostly I just don't want them to think I'm a big weirdo.
Only 2004-present is currently online. 1999-2002 was a bit too cringeworthy and too focused on long-past relationships to keep drifting about in cyberspace, and most of 2003 feels a bit too raw, looking back. I think I'm comfortable with what's up now. As Kymm told me when I recently considered just pulling the whole thing, "Don't! Stay strong! Own yourself!" She also pointed out that in 2009, it's a lot more common for part of one's life to be aired online than it was back in 1999. And I get that. Still, I feel a bit weird about it, even now. Maybe it is just time to let that go and stop feeling weird or embarrassed about it. I mean, I'm 34 and I've been doing it for 10 years. That's almost a third of my life, for Pete's sake. I like doing it, and I love the people I've met through it, I like having this record of my life that is really easy to access when I want to remember what I was doing on a certain day, or how I spent a certain New Year's Eve, or what my favorite books from a certain year were, or what my birthday was like that year, or what I ate at that restaurant, or how I mended this or that year's broken heart.
TAKING STOCK
I guess that's about it for tonight. 10 years ago this summer, my life changed in a lot of ways. It's changed in plenty of other ways since. Right now, I feel good about where I am. This weekend, I went to the farmers' market, and I went to a movie with my mom, and I got a massage, and I went on a run with Zuko and on a long bike ride, and I went to a movie with my brother and my friend B., and I ate really good shrimp and corn soup. This morning, I went swimming, and then I went to work, and the tree man came to trim my crape myrtles, and it rained, and I made homemade zucchini walnut bread, and now I'm watching a little True Blood. Life is good, and I am content, maybe even happy.
HOME
In June of 1999, I moved back to my hometown after a year away teaching high school. A crazy, difficult, bizarre, sometimes wonderful and thrilling year. I moved in with two girlfriends in a rent house. We had cats and dogs and fun times. This home was in the same neighborhood where I live now. In fact, other than childhood and the year away and the summers away, I have pretty much always lived in or adjacent to this neighborhood ... from my college apartment to a long housesitting gig to the two rent houses I lived in before buying this one. Anyway. This is my hood. I like it. This weekend, I went on a bike ride around the lakes and hot air balloons appeared over my head, drifting through the sky and reflecting on the water. Bright bursts of color. Runners and bikers going around with their mouths wide open, huge smiles, actual "ooohs" and "ahhhhs!" as the sun rose. It was one of the finest neighborhood moments ever and reminded me of how glad I am that I live here.
DOG
In July of 1999, I got a dog. My first ever very own dog. (Here is a tiny picture of her tiny self the day I brought her home.) I got her at the animal shelter. Someone I knew from grade school had found her and was dropping her off, so I just took her in the driveway of the place before she even brought her in to process her. I just knew right away that I loved her. She was really shy, so I named her Daisy. She was about six months old at the time. She is still here and still kicking. I fell really in love with her, and she is still my favorite. Don't tell the others. 10 years ago, I did not anticipate that a couple of years later I'd have another dog. And then a cat. And then another cat. (Sigh.) I love them all, but she came first, and I cannot believe we have been together 10 years. 10 years! Daisy. Wow.
JOB
Also in July of 1999, I got a job. It sort of came out of the blue. It seemed like a good fit for me, and the people seemed nice. It still is, mostly, and they still are. Sometimes I wonder if 10 years is too long to have the same job. Maybe it is. Maybe I will not have this job forever. But I still mostly quite love working there, especially the people I work with, and feel luckier than ever to do so.
ONLINE JOURNAL
10 years ago today, I posted a journal entry online. I had no idea what I was doing. I wrote an entry about soulmates. This is very embarrassing. But I was 24 years old. And I definitely still believed in soulmates back then. A few major relationships later, I'm not sure I do anymore. I don't mean that in a down on relationships kind of way, just in a "I'm 10 years older and the word 'soulmates' sounds a little too hocus pocus woo-woo love for me" way. And that's okay.
Four years ago, I reminisced about starting my online journal and went through a pretty thorough account of the whole history, so I won't rehash all of that today.
I'm not sure how I feel about this site these days. Every time someone in my life tells me that they've come across it, I feel mortified, like it's a punch in the stomach, and I want to pull the whole thing forever. But then ... I don't know. I also feel sort of ready to tell my family about it. They are my faves, you know? How can I have done this all this time and not told them? That's just kind of weird. My mom and I saw Julie and Julia, so at least now I know she knows what a blog is. Hi, Mom! This is my blog. (I am writing that to encourage myself to tell them.) Mostly I just don't want them to think I'm a big weirdo.
Only 2004-present is currently online. 1999-2002 was a bit too cringeworthy and too focused on long-past relationships to keep drifting about in cyberspace, and most of 2003 feels a bit too raw, looking back. I think I'm comfortable with what's up now. As Kymm told me when I recently considered just pulling the whole thing, "Don't! Stay strong! Own yourself!" She also pointed out that in 2009, it's a lot more common for part of one's life to be aired online than it was back in 1999. And I get that. Still, I feel a bit weird about it, even now. Maybe it is just time to let that go and stop feeling weird or embarrassed about it. I mean, I'm 34 and I've been doing it for 10 years. That's almost a third of my life, for Pete's sake. I like doing it, and I love the people I've met through it, I like having this record of my life that is really easy to access when I want to remember what I was doing on a certain day, or how I spent a certain New Year's Eve, or what my favorite books from a certain year were, or what my birthday was like that year, or what I ate at that restaurant, or how I mended this or that year's broken heart.
TAKING STOCK
I guess that's about it for tonight. 10 years ago this summer, my life changed in a lot of ways. It's changed in plenty of other ways since. Right now, I feel good about where I am. This weekend, I went to the farmers' market, and I went to a movie with my mom, and I got a massage, and I went on a run with Zuko and on a long bike ride, and I went to a movie with my brother and my friend B., and I ate really good shrimp and corn soup. This morning, I went swimming, and then I went to work, and the tree man came to trim my crape myrtles, and it rained, and I made homemade zucchini walnut bread, and now I'm watching a little True Blood. Life is good, and I am content, maybe even happy.
posted by eliza @ 9:09 PM
13 Comments:
You sound so grounded and content, it is a comfort to us. Thanks for sharing your life and loves & food & films with us!
Larry
Yeah, it's funny how life amounts to something. And then?
It's so strange to think that when we all started (well, when you did--I didn't get onto until the end of 2001) that blogging was this totally weird thing to do and that no one understood it and you felt like you really *knew* the writer. So many things have changed about writing online where people can see, and I can't quite put my finger on what they are.
I think about quitting too, quite a lot lately, but haven't done it yet. Maybe I never will. I hope you never do either! xoxo
Gee, I can't think how long I've been reading you and I feel sure we'll never meet but all that aside, I would sure miss you if you quit writing. I hope you won't. love, Karen Greenfield
I understand how you feel, but I'd really miss your blog if you quit! I really enjoy your writing, and I always look forward to when you post!
What Jenn C said. You would definitely be missed!!! :-)
You would absolutely be missed, Eliza. I too have been thinking about quitting. I will say, blogging has made the people in my life who are far away feel like they are still a part of my life because they know what I'm doing and where I am. I just wish they all blogged as well!
I told my family many years ago about the website. My sister occasionally reads, but that is it. My mother said it was "too much" and couldn't read it for long. I'm sure you're family will be neither surprised or judgmental.
You should not quit. The family-sharing decision is a hard one (you can't go back!) but for my aloof, distant family it's been a nice way to share things we would otherwise never, ever talk about. Like how I once owned a sex pillow! GUESS WHAT, MOM!
Please, please, don't leave! You were one of the first bloggers I ever read, and your persistence and consistently good and insightful writing encouraged me to blog.
Happy Anniversary. Keep it going. Until you don't want to anymore.
Thanks, guys. I don't think I am going to quit, at least not yet. It is nice to hear from friends as well as names I don't recognize ... it means a lot, really. Y'all are super kind.
Yes, I want to chime in to say that I would understand if you chose to quit, but that you would be very missed. I don't comment, but I've been reading for years and I really love your writing.
Also, I think we must have exactly the same taste in books and TV/movies, and now if you recommend something, I just go ahead and buy it. So I would especially miss your fabulous book and TV reviews!
I'm with the others! I can't even remember how I found your blog ... but I so look forward to your lovely writing and your spot-on reviews of books, movies, music. I feel like I have more in common with you than many of my real-life friends!
I'm a little surprised your family doesn't know about it, but YIKES, that would be hard to open it up to them. Thankfully, you always make them sound incredibly wonderful, interesting and supportive, so I guess you don't have TOO much to worry about. But yeah ... talk about a genie out of the bottle.
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