Food

It is very strange to think I have not eaten sweets since February 25. That is the longest I've gone without sweets in my whole life, probably, except for maybe when being exclusively breastfed. I'm not joking.

The sweetest thing I've had since Lent began, if we're talking quantity of sugar, was the Tropicana Pure Valencia orange juice in the several mimosas I drank at my St. Patrick's Day parade party. (Damn, that is some fine bottled orange juice.) I decided that though the juice was very sugary, it didn't count as an actual "sweet." (I can't find the information online, but surely bottled orange juice is chock full of sugar, right? Anyway.) Oh, and I did have more than my fair share of bourbon slush that weekend. Which has a lot of sugar. But other than that, nope.

During Lent, I've been around cookies, cake, ice cream, candy, cupcakes, brownies, etc. and haven't had any. It is truly shocking. I even stopped eating Cracklin' Oat Bran in the mornings because it's chock full of corn syrup, sugar, etc. and is totally only pseudo-healthy. I've been eating Shredded Wheat & Bran instead. Which has hardly any ingredients. And hardly any taste. But I'm down with it in a mug of soy milk, definitely. (Although apparently soy milk can kill you. Sometimes I don't know what to believe, I really don't.)

But anyway, the few ingredients plan is really working for me. The fewer, the better. Is this crazy? I don't know. I haven't even eaten Zone bars, my formerly "healthy" snack, because they have a million ingredients and are coated in chocolate, for Pete's sake.

It's not like I've been totally healthy. I've had pizza and cheese fries and pints of beer and what is surely a fat-laden puff pastry with an egg and prosciutto about once a week. But that snack is lovingly made by the hands of talented pastry chefs at my favorite cafe, so I'm down with it. It seems like basically real food to me, which is what I've been going for. I still drink half-and-half in my daily coffee and have had delicious whole milk in my cappuccinos from the cafe. And at least cheese fries are potatoes, you know? Tonight I had two hush puppies at dinner with my turkey burger. They were spicy fried cornbread balls of delight, and I don't regret a single bite.

This whole sweets giving up thing has steered me to not snack between meals for the most part and not eat food that comes in bags or packages or is super-duper processed or laden with chemicals. I had a handful of pretzel sticks when helping to pack up M.'s pantry and it felt like such a treat. My only really unhealthy "snack food" consumed during Lent was a small vending machine bag of that cheesy dorito / pretzel / sun chip / cheeto mix consumed while working on a Saturday because I was absolutely hungry and it seemed like the healthiest snack of those available. Oh, and I had a handful of goldfish out of the bag in my friend A.'s car (that bag of goldfish that seems to ride around in the car of every parent of small children) after a few beers after the 5K. The fact that I can name these snacks on one hand is hilarious to me considering the amount of snacking I have done all my livelong life.

The very, very weird thing about this Lenten experience is that I haven't felt deprived. I don't really miss the sweets for the most part. Today in the grocery store I passed a bag of Tootsie Rolls that I had a sudden craving to eat in its entirety, but it passed as I passed the bag by. I've also had a couple of strange urges to open my mouth wide and start pouring honey nut cheerios in it as fast as I can chew and swallow them. But again -- fleeting. Instead, I feel like my meals are real treats. Last night, I ate a chicken breast cooked in a little sesame oil with rice noodles and acorn squash. So simple but so totally satisfying and filling. I've been making a ton of stir-fries. I feel like the time spent making a really simple, healthy, yummy meal is time so well spent. It is like a gift to myself. This sounds so unbelievably corny but I'm not sure how else to describe it.

The way I have changed my eating habits has been radical. I do not say that lightly. Radical. I am a person who likes to eat and snack all day long and loves candy and salty, junky snack foods. I could eat a bag of Smart Foods white cheddar cheese popcorn or Chex mix every day, or polish off a box of garlic Melba toasts in one sitting, or enjoy a Twix or bag of Skittles every single afternoon and a big bowl of ice cream every night, no problem. Looking back over this Lent when I've (mostly) eaten three meals a day with minimal snacking, I've realized there's really no need to eat all day long and how freeing it is to not be consumed by food thoughts and food eating throughout the entire day. I can honestly say that banana slices with a tablespoon of natural peanut butter after work in the afternoon tastes better to me than whatever crap I would have eaten before. (That has become my major snack moment, and it's a very calming ritual. I thank my sister for this snack idea.) Grapes and oranges are sweeter than they've ever been. I feel really grateful to love fruit so much all of a sudden. I am like, thank you, earth, for growing this fruit for me. It is f-ing awesome. An orange after a run is so heavenly! Seriously.

I don't even recognize myself when having these thoughts. I've always really loved eating healthy foods but have also always loved eating really awful foods and lots of them along with the healthy foods. My body has not changed in any drastic way at all, because I'm not sure that is super possible at 34 when it's pretty set in its ways, but it feels stronger and more energetic, and that is honestly the most important thing to me. My mind and my spirit have changed in a drastic way, it feels like, and I find that very cool. And meals taste so much better now that I am actually letting myself be hungry for them. And I know my body is healthier on the inside.

I envisioned Easter Sunday as a day spent eating Reese's eggs and licking the chocolate and peanut butter off the wrappers, but now I'm not sure I want to do that. I don't know how much I would enjoy what is basically God's perfect candy when knowing how much better I've felt without sweets and how bad for me they are. Not just my body but my mind. The amount of guilt off my shoulders about eating unhealthily is unreal. Maybe feeling guilty about eating sweets is unhealthy in and of itself -- I know "everything in moderation" is supposed to be the healthiest way to live, and I do believe that, but maybe I'll give myself a little longer than Lent to soak in this sweets-free and snack-free existence before giving so much love and time and attention to sweets and snacks again.

I just like everything about my life better, knowing that I am feeding myself well. I am so grateful to have undertaken this experiment and this experience. I gave up something that I thought had a lot of power over me, but it turns out it didn't. That makes me feel pretty brave and strong. I like that this eating habits transformation occurred during Lent because I do still love the traditions of my family and church. I think Jesus, if inclined, would be psyched.