"Exam Songs" Tape (1990)

1990. So, 1990 exams would have been spring of freshman year in high school or fall of sophomore year. This is a very weird mix. My Harry Connick, Jr. obsession had begun in earnest. I guess, based on the title, I made it for studying. But most of them are kind of downbeat and blah, so maybe I felt like I needed to be calm and centered? Who knows? Some of them are pretty horrid, but I still love lots of them. I was fifteen.

SIDE A

1.) In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel. It was mostly all about Say Anything in my early teen days. It's true.

2.) Crossroads by Tracy Chapman.

3.) The Friendship Theme from Beaches.

4.) Cowboy Bill by Garth Brooks. (?????)

5.) Theme from Top Gun. (Embarrassing, but maybe I thought it would make me feel triumphant while studying.)

6.) Love Can Build a Bridge by The Judds. (More embarrassing.)

7.) Katie's Theme from Stealing Home.

8.) Promise Me You'll Remember by Harry Connick, Jr. (The only good thing about The Godfather Part III.)

9.) Theme from The Princess Bride.

10.) Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid.

11.) If I Only Had a Brain by Harry Connick, Jr.

12.) Sonnet XXIX by Shakespeare (as read by Ron Perlman on the soundtrack to TV's Beauty and the Beast).

SIDE B

1.) Long Lost Friend by Restless Heart.

2.) But Not for Me by Harry Connick, Jr.

3.) We'll Never Say Goodbye by Art Garfunkel.

I need to pause for a moment to say that this is the song I wanted to find. At the heart of this mix tape nostalgia was wanting to find this song. It was on the Sing soundtrack, long lost to me. It's never been available anywhere else. I got my mom to ask the vice principal if they would play this for our 8th grade graduation. She (kindly) said no. I think it's beautiful, and I love it very much. Here are the lyrics.

We've shared the days of laughter
We've shared the nights of sorrow
And in the morning after
We face a bright tomorrow
Side by side we'll always stand
Spirits flying high
Long as I can hold your hand
We'll never say goodbye

We've walked the halls of learning
And served the proud tradition
The flame of truth is burning
To clarify our vision
Look at how the future gleams
Gold against the sky
Long as I can share your dreams
We'll never say goodbye

There's little to be sure of
But we will last forever
For now we know the pure love
We feel when we're together
Then if someday we should part
We will not say die
Long as you are in my heart
We'll never say goodbye
Long as you are in my heart
We'll never say goodbye

It's really so pretty and cheesy. I wish you could hear it.

4.) Where or When by Harry Connick, Jr.

5.) Some very beautiful flute song I remember well but cannot identify. Maybe it's from Beauty and the Beast? I think that's it. (Note: I see that this CD is now available for a very reasonable price. It must be back in print. I spent an obscene amount of money on this CD a few years ago. Oh, well. And I had no idea the first two seasons are now out on DVD! Some fan I am.)

6.) I Could Write a Book by Harry Connick, Jr.

I HATE THIS PIECE OF SHIT WALKMAN. This is taking forever.

7.) Let's Call the Whole Thing Off by Harry Connick, Jr.

8.) What Is a Youth from Romeo and Juliet. I taped this from my mom's album from 1968, which is now framed in my hall.

9.) It Had to Be You by Harry Connick, Jr.

10.) One Hand, One Heart from West Side Story. Also taped from my mom's ancient vinyl.

11.) Tonight (see #10).

12.) There's a Place for Us (also West Side Story).

13.) How to Handle a Woman by Richard Burton from Camelot. I guess I was deep into recording-from-records mode at this point.

14.) Camelot Reprise by Richard Burton. Still gives me chills, honestly.

Mix Tapes

Sometimes when someone has a crush on you, he'll make you a mix tape to give you a clue.

I'm in the middle of reading Love Is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield. I can't remember who first recommended it, but whoever you are, thank you. I love it.

I love it so much so that I stopped at the drugstore this morning and bought myself a walkman so I'll have some way to play the old mix tapes I dug out from three full shoeboxes on the top of my closet last night. Mix tapes by me, mix tapes by others. For some idiotic reason that escapes me and makes me want to go back in time and kick my own ass, many moves ago, I decided to trash all the cases with their carefully numbered side A and side B songlists and just keep the tapes. Many of whose labels have worn off, so I'm not even sure what a lot of them are. I remember many by the color of the sticker or the look of the tape even when the writing is long gone. I knew them all so well.

Sadly, I forgot to buy batteries. Walkmen take batteries. Oh yeah. So I picked some up on the way home from work, and here I lie on the couch. The first tape I have chosen was the mix Shelley made me when we graduated from high school. Side B was cued up and ready to go, so I started with that. I've made it through the first four songs so far:

1.) Give It Away by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

2.) These Are Days by 10,000 Maniacs.

3.) There Will Never Be Another Tonight by Bryan Adams. (AWESOME)

4.) The "Lloyd, Lloyd, All Null and Void" clip from Say Anything. (Scroll to about 2:35 in this clip to hear it.)

It is so wonderful to revisit these songs that I am laughing and crying at the same time. I haven't had a tape player in my car since the fall of 1999 or a working tape player in my house since God knows when, so I haven't heard these tapes in so long. Some of them date back to 1987-88. I labeled them with things like "Eliz.'s Fave Songs 88: DON'T ERASE!" with the bright blue fountain pen I got for Christmas. I cannot wait to find out what is on that one in particular.

In the shoebox was the first tape I ever bought: Madonna. The first Madonna. I was with Shelley and her dad when I bought that one, I think. Circa 1983. How is that even possible? How did I know about Madonna when I was 8 years old? I almost tossed it last night, but I noticed there is scotch tape over the little squares, tape I must have placed there in order to tape over Madonna. What's on that tape now? I have no clue. But I will find out soon.

5.) "Ghost" by the Indigo Girls. The cornerstone of hundreds of break-up tapes. Thousands. Millions.

6.) Variations on the Kanon by Pachelbel by George Winston. Probably the hardest song I ever taught myself on the piano. I wore out this song trying to learn it, not realizing it wasn't the actual proper "Pachelbel's Canon in D." What is up with spelling it with a "K"? No idea.

I have mix tapes from my older brother and my sister. My little brother: born too late for mix tapes. I have mix tapes from my friend A., who always alternated songs by male and female artists, who always titled the tape with a line from one of the songs, who always typed her labels on the typewriter because her handwriting was so atrocious. I have mix tapes from my old friend J., which we exchanged like letters.

I wonder how many batteries playing all of these tapes is going to use up.

7.) Part of Me, Part of You by Glenn Frey. (From the Thelma and Louise soundtrack.) Whatever time may take away, it cannot change the way we feel today. Very big sentiment with the graduating sector as I recall.

8.) Love Theme from St. Elmo's Fire (For Just a Moment) -- But you and I will never really end, we'll never love again like we did then. I think graduation must have made us cry a lot.

9.) You've Got a Friend by James Taylor. But of course.

10.) Pray for Me by Michael W. Smith. One of our songs from camp. I still think this is a very beautiful song, I have to say. It caused many hiccups and sobs at camp's end, that's for sure. Painted on our tapestry, we see the way it has to be, weaving through the laughter and the tears. But love will be tie that binds us to the time we leave behind us, memories will be our souvenirs. And I know that through it all the hardest part of love it letting go, but there's a greater love that holds us. That is pretty right there. Damn. End of side B.

And on to side A.

1.) Baby Got Back by Sir Mixx a Lot. Lovely.

2.) Broken Arrow by Rod Stewart. Junior year of high school, I bought this tape for Maryelizabeth because she expressly asked for it. She, Shelley, and Josh sat on my parents' couch as we exchanged gifts, and she opened this and said, "Rod STEWART? What was I on when I told you I wanted this?" Pan right to Josh. (I was videotaping.) He said disdainfully, "Who else is gonna give you a broken arrow? Who's gonna bring you a bottle of rain? What?!" And flipped his hair, full of hatred for Rod Stewart and possibly all of us. And we laughed about that for the next few, I don't know, years. And that is why this song is on this tape.

3.) Summer of '69 by Bryan Adams. Two songs by Bryan Adams! Wow. We were young and restless, I guess, and needed to unwind.

4.) Circle by Edie Brickell. This song is very depressing. (Sha la la la la la la la la.)

5.) Beat on the Brat by the Ramones. Oh yeah, oh yeah, uh oh. I am not sure why we loved this song so much; I still love it.

6.) Southland in the Springtime by the Indigo Girls. Still love this one, too. (Part of the song.)

7.) Cheeseburger in Paradise by Jimmy Buffett. Not sure what this is about; I think it was related to a spring break we took to Destin junior year when our friend's mom called us hussies and said when we gave our room number to the parasailing guy that we might as well have given him our panty sizes. I remember listening to this song on the way to that trip.

8.) Strongest Weakness by Wynonna. I'm not sure why this was on this graduation mix. I think we might have liked this as a break-up song. Shelley, do you have any memories of this?

9.) Born to Be My Baby by Bon Jovi. I think this song got put on here because I LOVED it. I always thought it was a very underrated Bon Jovi song, and I think I used to proclaim that a lot. All I can really say about it at this point is "light a candle, blow the world away / table for two on a TV tray." (Video.)

10.) Out of the Blue by Debbie Gibson. Wow! This one surprised me. I didn't remember this being on here at all. But I am very glad it is. This entire album was very big with us in seventh grade. I could not help myself and just sang it very loudly, and it scared Marley, and she propelled herself off the couch in flight, scratching my foot along the way. Damn you, Debbie Gibson. (P.S. Still love this song, as it turns out.) (Video.)

11.) Istanbul (Not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants. I don't know how this song entered our life, but thank God it did. (Video.)

12.) Romeo and Juliet by the Indigo Girls. Loved it then, love it now. I associate this song with daiquiries and cigarettes and singing loudly in cars -- many, many cars.

It was very traumatic when Maryelizabeth and I sent Shelley off to college. We spent the night together at Maryelizabeth's house the night before and sent her off in her Saturn. Maryelizabeth left later. We are still friends, through it all, now. We are scheduled for a three-way call tomorrow night. We are lucky.

I wonder if people still have the mix tapes I made for them.

The world keeps spinning

Oh my God. Hairspray.

Background: I've never seen the Jon Waters film. The Broadway musical never interested me much. Today, I was bored and felt like being somewhere dark and cool after sweating my brains out mowing my backyard. So I called up my friend K., and we decided to go to see Hairspray. I knew nothing about it and don't even know what possessed me to suddenly want to see it. Mostly I just like Amanda Bynes, of all people, and liked the idea of seeing her in a musical. So we went. I got an Orange Fanta, and we split a small popcorn and a bag of Reese's Pieces and we settled in for the movie.

And oh my sweet Lord, it was so good. I don't even know what to say. I am speechless. From beginning to end, we smiled until our cheeks hurt, we laughed and hooted and clapped and even shook our tushes in our seats. And I have no rhythm. But I felt like I did as I sat there and danced along. It was impossible not to. The movie had such amazing energy. I'm pretty much over John Travolta and find him irritating as himself and wasn't sure how I would handle him in this part, but it turns out that it's a sweet and funny performance with a lot of heart to it. Nikki Blonsky as Tracy was fabulous -- a great dancer and singer alike and I rooted for her from the first second she appeared on screen. Michelle Pfeiffer (too thin, I'm afraid) oozed meanness and showed off her still Stephanie Zinone-ish pipes. Amanda Bynes was hilarious. Zac Ephron was beyond adorable. Christopher Walken was Christopher Walken and every moment I waited for him to burst into song and dance was worth the wait when he finally did. Queen Latifah was great. Elijah Kelley made my friend and me turn to each other the minute he opened his mouth to sing and started dancing and say, "WOW." He was SO good. I predict that he will be a huge star. Alison Janney = so funny. James Marsden was perfect as Corny Collins. I really do not think there was a weak link in the entire cast. They were all fantastic.

At one point after I caught my breath from laughing I composed myself and said to my friend, "Why is this movie so awesome?" She said, "I DON'T KNOW." I said, "I think this is the best movie I've ever seen!" She said, "I KNOW."

We stopped at two stores on the way home to buy the soundtrack; it was sold out. I went to my parents' house to continue my VHS-DVD home movie project, but they were napping and I thought it would be best to wait and not disturb them. So I headed to yet another store and bought the soundtrack there. I saw K. in the parking lot; she showed up to buy it, too. I listened to "You Can't Stop the Beat" on the way home and could barely concentrate on the road, so exciting was it. That song, well. I don't even know. It's almost enough to make me want to start running again just so I can listen to it while doing so.

Hairspray was a thoroughly, one hundred percent, over the moon, utterly joyous movie musical experience.

Pie song

"Baby, Don't You Cry (The Pie Song)," written by Andrew Hollander and Adrienne Shelly and performed by Quincy Coleman, is now available on iTunes.

Kathy Griffin

I am so exhausted from laughing right now that I can barely see straight.

If Kathy Griffin is making a tour appearance anywhere within your vicinity, I suggest that you do not walk but run there.

A few links

I've now had 2 positive transactions with the folks at Irene's Tiles. They rushed something I needed rushed, and they included cute "lagniappe" greeting cards. They've got so many cute tiles, and I love that some of them can be personalized. Here's one of my favorites, which I'm sending out to my sister with love:

I could not be more in love with Alan Sepinwall's commentaries on each brilliant episode of Freaks and Geeks. It's great to read them and relive this wonderful series. "We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life." -- Lindsey Weir.

I guess that's all I've got for now. I'm very excited about what I'm doing tonight. More on that later.

Emmy Nominations

Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Alec Baldwin ~ 30 Rock

Hm. I've only seen this show a couple of times. I will be annoyed if he wins. I kind of don't like him even though he's funny.

Ricky Gervais ~ Extras

Oh, Ricky! I only hope they do a behind the scenes DVD extra for this awards show like they did for The Office when we got to see them all in their fancy clothes. I will love Ricky Gervais until my dying day, and I really need to check out more of this show. I've only seen it once or twice.

Tony Shalhoub ~ Monk

I think he's won this plenty enough times now.

Steve Carell ~ The Office

Well, clearly. This man delights me on all levels, and he's a large part of what brought me around to finally embracing the U.S. version of The Office with my entire heart. I like him not only because he is hilarious but because he also seems to be a genuinely good person.

Charlie Sheen ~ Two and a Half Men

Ridiculous.

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Tina Fey ~ 30 Rock

Not sure how I feel about this since I'm not that familiar with the show.

Felicity Huffman ~ Desperate Housewives

I've written before of my love for her, but I am definitely over this show.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus ~ The New Adventures of Old Christine

She beat Lisa Kudrow on The Comeback last year, and I'm still not over it. So I hope she does not win.

America Ferrera ~ Ugly Betty

How can you not love her? This show has been one of my absolute favorites this past season, and she's done great work on it.

Mary-Louise Parker ~ Weeds

I've only seen season one of this show, but I liked it a lot. Lord knows she can act ... she's won at least one Tony, I know, and a bunch of Emmys or at least Golden Globes. And she is suddenly very, very hot. When did this happen? Has it always been so? Surely not in Boys on the Side. Anyway, if America doesn't win, I guess she's my pick.

Lead Actor in a Drama Series

James Spader ~ Boston Legal

As I said a few years ago, he will be Steff to me for all time.

Kiefer Sutherland ~ 24

"What're you gonna do, shoot all of us?" "No, Ace. Just you."

Hugh Laurie ~ House

I guess I would be okay with him as the winner.

Denis Leary ~ Rescue Me

I'm not sure how I feel about this. There've been times in the past when I've really enjoyed this show. But at the same time, there's always a part of me that thinks it's a little sick and deranged. And the sex scenes with Denis Leary always make me feel like I'm going to become violently ill. But I can't deny that he's sort of captivating to watch. I don't know. I am conflicted about Denis Leary.

James Gandolfini ~ The Sopranos

He's won three times already, but in this case, I'm fine with him winning again.

Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Sally Field ~ Brothers & Sisters

Betty Buckley originally played Nora, and Sally Field was brought in to replace her. It's hard for me to imagine anyone else in this role even though I am rather fond of Ms. Buckley after seeing her blow the roof off as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard on Broadway in the summer of '96. Sally Field is so good that it's sort of unbelievable. She can do anything, and she pretty much does as Nora, playing funny, angry, terrified, heartbroken, and pretty much every other emotion under the sun, sometimes miraculously all at once, on this show.

Patricia Arquette ~ Medium

I don't really have an opinion of her on this show because I don't watch it.

Mariska Hargitay ~ Law & Order: SVU

I think she seems like a cool person. Her baby is adorable, and she has a blog. But I still do not watch this show because I think it is the stuff of nightmares.

Kyra Sedgwick ~ The Closer

I tried watching this show once, but her accent grated so I turned it off. That said, I really like her. Mostly because she (along with Gena Rowlands and Robert Duvall, of course) was the only decent thing about Something to Talk About and was, in fact, hilarious in her role, and even more because of how great she is in the underrated Heart and Souls. Oh! And how can I forget Singles? I do like her. I think she might win.

Minnie Driver ~ The Riches

Wow! This nomination surprises and pleases me greatly. I've always liked her. I've mentioned before that I would really like to see again her appearance on The Rosie O'Donnell Show when they sang what appeared to be an impromptu harmonized duet of "Truly Scrumptious" from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. My mouth dropped open when I heard how well she could sing. And let me tell you, she is so dynamite on this show. It's kind of mindblowing, really.

Edie Falco ~ The Sopranos

Like Gandolfini, she's already won this three times. But who could begrudge her another?

Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Kevin Dillon ~ Entourage

My first exposure to him was in Heaven Help Us, a film we were forbidden to watch as children but somehow did anyway. Then he was in that horrible TV movie with Shannon Doherty. And I'd never seen this show until recently. I saw a few minutes of it, plenty enough to know that I don't like it and that Kevin Dillon plays an idiot.

Jeremy Piven ~ Entourage

I cannot think of Jeremy Piven anymore without thinking about Erin. I think he's a good actor, but I keep reading that he's a real jerk in real life, and I've decided this show is so stupid that no one on it deserves to win anything.

Jon Cryer ~ Stupid Show

No. I do like Jon Cryer, but no.

Neil! Patrick! Harris! ~ How I Met Your Mother

I've said before that this is the best sitcom on television aside from The Office. And he is so, so, so good on it as Barney. This is my favorite nomination on the list, I think. Partly because I'm so happy someone on this show is getting recognized, and partly because I love him both on and off the screen. In the spring of 1997, I saw him outside of the Nederlander Theater after the matinee. This was before played Mark; Anthony Rapp was still Mark back then. (This was also when Norbert Leo Butz was in for Adam Pascal and my sister and I first beheld his wonder and glory.) Anyway, Neil Patrick Harris was with Christine Taylor, and they gave each other a quick peck on the lips on the sidewalk. I stood and gaped at them, transfixed by the adorableness. For good measure, here's a lovely interview he did with Ellen. And here's one of my favorite clips from the show. And just in case anyone hasn't seen it yet, one of my favorite things of all time, Neil Patrick Harris as Javert and Jason Segel and Jean Valjean.

Rainn Wilson ~ The Office

I am truly conflicted over this category! I cannot decide whether N!P!H! or Rainn Wilson should win. My love for them is sort of tied in my heart. I would be happy with either one. I never thought anyone could out-Gareth Gareth, but he has created his own Garethy character, Dwight, and he is so wonderfully crazy that I almost die from pleasure when watching this show. I'm not kidding. Here's some Dwightishness for your viewing pleasure.

Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Jaime Pressly ~ My Name Is Earl

I no longer approve of her.

Vanessa Williams ~ Ugly Betty

She is really, really good on this show. She is the only person I would be mildly okay with beating Jenna Fischer.

Holland Taylor ~ Two & a Half Men

I will repeat what I said in 2005: Who in the hell actually watches this show? A lot of people, apparently. I remember being so annoyed years ago when she won best supporting actress in a drama for The Practice on which she was barely even a character.

Conchatta Ferrell ~ Two & a Half Men

I have always liked this actress but no way in hell is she allowed to beat Jenna Fischer.

Jenna Fischer ~ The Office

Her blog is great. She is great. She should win for this scene alone. (Don't watch it if you don't want to be spoiled for the end of season three.) I have recurring dreams about the Jim/Pam relationship. I have no idea why. Either I am competing with her for Jim's love or playing an active role in trying to conspire to get them together. It is sort of embarrassing to admit this. I am definitely rooting for her.

Elizabeth Perkins ~ Weeds

Damn! Another one I really like. I've liked her since Big, and I loved her in Moonlight & Valentino. Well, I guess I could accept her winning. But I'd really like Jenna to win. In case that's not clear.

More thoughts: Here's who I think should have been in the best supporting comedy actor/actress categories: Michael Urie and Becki Newtown, who play Mark and Amanda on Ugly Betty. In a great all-around cast, they really stand out and have managed to be really mean and really funny but also show a lot of heart in their roles. They should have been recognized, definitely. This is a long but excellent reel of clips featuring this very enjoyable duo.

Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

William Shatner ~ Boston Legal

Whatever!

Michael Emerson ~ Lost

I read somewhere that Ben, Desmond, and Juliette saved Lost this past season, and I agree. It's nice to see one of them recognized. He is so creepy and good in this part, and I think he deserves this nomination.

Terry O'Quinn ~ Lost

Locke always seemed like the center of this show to me, but weirdly, I don't remember him doing all that much this season. Maybe I'm just not remembering very well. I still think he's awesome, and I'd be happy to see him win, but to me, this year the show did not belong to him like it has in the past.

T.R. Knight ~ Grey's Anatomy

Huh. He gets nominated for the season when George went from my favorite character to my least favorite character. I guess I can't blame the actor for that so much as the writers, who have all but assassinated his character in my mind, right along with Katherine Heigl's. I really don't know what in the hell happened on that set. But I definitely don't think that making George into an adulterer is doing this show or his character any favors, and I'd like it to cease effective immediately.

Michael Imperioli ~ The Sopranos

He's won once before. I didn't watch it this season, so I don't really know what kind of work he did, but I'm sure it was very good as usual. I can't pick him over Emerson, though. I think Emerson should win.

More thoughts: When thinking about how I wish Matthew Rhys had been nominated as Kevin on Brothers and Sisters, I came across this clip (also featuring Rachel Griffiths, oddly) of him performing "You Can't Get a Man with a Gun," and I died from the awesomeness.

Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Sandra Oh ~ Grey's Anatomy

I've decided I don't even like Christina anymore.

Chandra Wilson ~ Grey's Anatomy

I wouldn't mind seeing her win just so we could hear another speech as good as the one she made at the SAG awards.

Katherine Heigl ~ Grey's Anatomy

A lot of people hated the Izzy/Denny storyline, but I liked it, and it was mostly because I thought that the actors really sold it. I thought she was fantastic that season. In this scene in particular. But this season ... I can't help it. My hatred for the Izzy/George relationship has colored my opinion of her. I don't want anyone on this show to win, as it turns out. The whole thing has just become too annoying.

Lorraine Bracco ~ The Sopranos

Lorraine Bracco is definitely awesome.

Aida Turturro ~ The Sopranos

I would prefer Bracco to win.

Rachel Griffiths ~ Brothers & Sisters

She's my favorite for this category. This is a fitting nomination. She is incredibly good.

Outstanding Comedy Series

30 Rock

I guess I should give this show more of a chance. I do like Tina Fey.

Entourage

I did not like what little I saw of this show. It was highly irritating.

The Office

I love the British version so much. I resisted this version for a very long time. And then I gave in, and my life is all the better for it. I think it will win, and I think it deserves to.

Two and a Half Men

I do not understand.

Ugly Betty

My love for this show is well-documented. I don't think it belongs in the comedy category even though it's definitely very, very funny, but I understand why it's here. I thought it was way too campy on first viewing, but I stuck with it, and I'm so glad I did. It's over the top and crazy sometimes, but that's sort of the point. When it's moving, it's very moving. There is really nothing I don't like about it. I think everyone should watch it because I think it will brighten your life.

More thoughts: I really wish that How I Met Your Mother were in this category.

Outstanding Drama Series

Boston Legal
Grey's Anatomy
Heroes
House
The Sopranos

I'm not going to write about these shows individually. I'm just going to say that I would kick any one of them off the list except for The Sopranos and replace it with Friday Night Lights or Brothers and Sisters (which I will simply say is a fantastic show that exceeded my every initial expectation). My other favorite drama? Battlestar Galactica? I understand, regrettably, that it doesn't have a chance in hell at an awards show like this. But Friday Night Lights is not set in outer space. It's set in a small town in Texas, and it's about real people. It's really hard for me to understand how it didn't end up in this category if this category is supposed to include the best. And it's not like I have some kind of blind love for the show. I am attached to it emotionally, but from an objective, critical viewpoint, it's just fucking awesome television. Its lack of recognition makes me want to tell everyone involved in the television academy to sit and spin. Which I realize is not a mature reaction. But I wish it would have been nominated if only to convince a few more people to watch it. I didn't write about what actors from the show were left out of the acting categories because I didn't want to start to sound like a broken record. I wish Kyle Chandler had been nominated. I wish Connie Britton would have been nominated. And so forth. Here's a short little scene between them that's not too super spoilery in the grand scheme of things. I guess I should not let this upset me so much. I guess what it all boils down to is that when I love something I want everyone else to love it too because I want it to make them as happy as it makes me. Is that weird?

(Similar entries: 2005 and 2004.)

Fuckin' Emmys.

Catching Up

It's daunting to think of updating chronologically so I think I'll go backwards.

Tonight I am sitting on the couch. I just watched Moonstruck and ate some disgusting chicken fried rice from a Knorr envelope. Zuko liked it, though. Today I mowed the grass, did four loads of laundry, unpacked from my trip, reorganized my bathroom cabinet, got gas, went grocery shopping, and finished Harry Potter. And also spent hours on the phone with Apple bemoaning the fact that after sending it in for repairs, something is now broken that wasn't before. (It won't burn any CDs.) The first person I talked to immediately "suggested" that I take it to a retail store so that a "Mac genius" could "isolate the problem" and then I could "call them back" and tell them what the problem is. I "suggested" that I paid for Apple Care and intended to receive technical assistance over the phone. I did this nicely, of course, but deep down I was growing more livid by the second. After going through the usual hoops and steps I have jumped through countless times as they've tried to diagnose problem after problem and reminding them that I just sent it in and had the disc drive REPLACED, they had me do whatever you do with the 2 original install discs and then call them back to report that it still was not working. After much ridiculousness, I finally talked to someone named Dan who gave me his personal extension, told me how to cut through the voice prompts, and said he or some other specialist would be handling it from now on. So I'm sending it back in. And I have never been a customer service person and I understand there are rules they have to follow, but I swear to God that when what's-his-name, before even beginning to address possibilities or troubleshoot, suggested that I drag my ass to Comp USA, I almost cursed Apple forever. Thank God for Dan.

Last night I went to see a local production of Cats with Maryelizabeth. We stopped for cookies and Icees on the way home along with a hamburger and fries. We decided that it was a very good production but that even at its best, Cats is kind of a boring slog of a show. I like some of the songs, but mostly I've decided it's annoying and I don't understand what it is about it that middle America so faithfully embraced for years and years on Broadway. Give me Rodgers and Hammerstein any day of the week, is all I'm saying. One weird thing is that we noted when walking into the theater that we went to theater camp there the summer after ninth grade. So we were reminiscing about it. And one of the girls from theater camp was in the show! Bizarre. She looked great, danced great, sounded great, and was overall in incredible shape as a performer. Nelly Forbush was played by three girls that summer ... I was one, and so was she. I got "Some Enchanted Evening," and she got "Honey Bun." I think it's safe to say that she carried the torch from theater camp, and I totally dropped it. I cannot believe that was 17 years ago.

Speaking of Rodgers and Hammerstein, I've been enjoying the hell out of a four-disc set that my dad dug out while cleaning his study, "Golden Memories of Stage & Screen." On my way to the airport last weekend, I listened to "Edelweiss" and cried and cried. Mostly remembering the moment when the Captain is too overcome with emotion to continue singing at the end and Maria walks out on stage to save the moment and save him. One of my memories of watching that movie on repeat as a child was how my mom always pointed out during that scene how much Maria loved him to go out there and sing the song when he couldn't. The whole box set is pretty damned awesome.

Yesterday, I got back into town and played with my pets and bought Harry Potter and was reunited with my computer, which was a very joyous experience before I realized it was still broken.

On Friday night, B. and I flew home from our week away. We finished disc one of The Best of Youth on the plane ride home and in doing so broke HIS computer, only his seems to be more severely broken as all it will do at this point is blink a question mark at him. Sorrow. To make our connecting flight, we ran and ran and ran through the Miami airport and I almost had a heart attack. The Best of Youth is quite long and good. This trip's airplane breakdown occured while reading this article about Barbaro. It was similar to my fit while reading The Book Thief, only shorter in duration as it was an article rather than a novel. I just could not control the tears from shooting down my face. I discovered after finishing it that it was written by Buzz Bissinger, who wrote Friday Night Lights.

(Photo by B)

We spent a few days with his family, which was very nice as always, after going to Williamsburg, which is a groovy place to visit if you enjoy historical nerdiness, which I do. We went to Jamestown Settlement, the Governor's Palace, Busch Gardens, etc.

(Photo by B)




(Photo by B)

I wish I were not such a germophobic freak in hotel rooms, but I can't seem to shake my paranoia. I am definitely happy to be back in my own bed and bathroom.

The Emmy nominations came out, and I have some thoughts on them, but they'll have to wait. A new week starts tomorrow, and I want to be on top of things and be healthy and happy.

It's early and the ants are excited

Thanks for all the ant advice. Yesterday I tried baking soda, boiling water, Comet, the hose, the blower, and even a little bit of ant spray over a little teeming mound of eggs and ants I found under the tip of an old dog towel that was hanging off the edge of a chair and resting on the ground. I've found four mounds so far, and those are all desecrated and abandoned as far as I can tell. I actually used a strong liquid soap on them last week and voila! Sadly, I think I'm going to have to go the chemical route. I pulled up a little patch of grass where the patio has not been edged in a while -- like a flap of grass that has overgrown the edge -- and I almost fainted. There were seventy-seven million of them. I think my tame ways might need some professional help. I'm calling my cat-loving bug man this afternoon and asking him which he thinks is the best of the suggestions you wise and kind people gave me or if he has any of his own. I assume his cat love spills over into dog love.

If these ants did not bite or swarm the dog food bowls, I might not be so freaked out. But I have horrible images of the dogs standing in a pile or interrupting one of their marches (back again this morning, I might add) and being taken down by a thousand of them while I'm not here to watch over them. But then, I am an overly anxious person so hopefully this will not actually happen.

Meanwhile, I've been spending a lot of time with my oldest and dearest girlfriends this week. One of them recently moved away from New York City for the first time since 2000. We've been talking about Top 40 songs a lot lately. We're both very fond of Rihanna's "Umbrella," for example. Yesterday she asked me, "Have you ever heard a song that goes something like, 'everyone knows I'm in over my head, over my head?" I looked at her and said, "Um, yeah? Where have you been?" She said, "In New York! Without a car or a car radio!" Now that she has one, it's like the world has opened up to her again. It's like she's been in a radio coma. It amuses me.

I don't know what else to say except I have to go to work now. Meanwhile, does anyone happen to know the origin of this quote: "I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats"? This mystery is driving me almost as crazy as the ants.

Ants

I have some very determined ants marching one by one (literally) on my brick patio. They march in a line and I don't know where they're going. They seem to be marching in either direction. Big ones, small ones, ones carrying white balls. Are these eggs? Gross.

I've managed to wipe out a few piles, but they will not go away. I know I could blast them with ant killing spray, but since my dogs spend a lot of time out in the yard, I don't want to use anything that could be harmful to them. I thought the ants were attracted to the dog food, so I stopped feeding the dogs outside about a week ago, but still they swarm. And I worry that it's only a matter of time before they start marching into the house.

Does anyone know of something that will kill the ants and not hurt the dogs?

Thanks.

Wake up, LA!

Ah, exposed patrons of prostitution rings. The man who -- (a) while our country was at war and and (b) less than a year after his city and his state had been crushed by two hurricanes -- said of banning gay marriage, "I don't believe there's any issue that's more important than this one." Way to go in your effort to preserve the sanctity of marriage, you dumbass.

I called my sister to tell her this news just now and she said, "I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Maybe this will convince our state to go blue all the way." One can only hope.

Return with Honor

I finished Return with Honor, a documentary about prisoners of war in North Vietnam from the mid-1960s through the early 1970s who were held in what's known as the Hanoi Hilton.

This was a story I knew nothing about, and it was a fascinating film. The men told their own stories; it was basically an oral history. But what made this movie unique, at least out of the war documentaries I've been watching lately, is that the filmmakers were granted access to archival footage taken by the North Vietnamese of the prisoners during their captivity. So these men, twenty-five years later (the film was made in 1998, and most were released in 1973), were talking about what happened to them there, and then old footage of the men would be shown. For example, the North Vietnamese government denied that the men were being tortured, and one of the men explained how he was filmed and knew it would be broadcast, so he blinked the letters "t-o-r-t-u-r-e" with his eyes in Morse Code to convey that message to the folks watching at home. And there was actual footage of when he did that, standing there, looking a little freaked, and blinking his eyes. And there was instance after instance of that, and it was amazing to see what the men looked like back then and then see them telling about it all those years later.

One of the most touching moments of the film, which made me cry throughout, are you kidding me, was a very frail and wounded man lying on a gurney saying in a very weak and shaky voice, "I would just like to tell my wife that I will get well, that I love her, and I hope to see her soon. And I'd appreciate it if you told her that." And I squinted at the screen and realized that it was John McCain.

The men used a tapping code to communicate with each other because for the majority of the years they were in captivity, they were very isolated. So they would tap on the walls and get to know everything that could possibly be known about each other across concrete walls, sometimes never having met or laid eyes on the person they shared their most intimate contact with. They would exercise in their cells, they would design houses in their minds, they would compose poetry ... they would do anything they could to keep their minds active so they wouldn't go nuts. Many of them attempted suicide. Some were offered the opportunity of early release, and they turned it down, because that would be breaking the code. It wouldn't be fair, and it might be harmful in some way to those left behind. John McCain was one of those. I don't really know much about John McCain's politics, but seeing him as one of these guys -- I'll tell you. It makes me want to shake the dude's hand.

The prison was built by the French to torture the Vietnamese, and the Vietnamese used the techniques they learned from the West to torture the Americans, largely airmen who were shot down and captured. War begetting war, cruelty begetting cruelty, and so it goes. One of the men drew pictures in his mind of the torture techniques with the plan of drawing them on paper one day, and he did, within a month of his return home. The film showed his drawings, and they were awful. They were tied up in ropes and their joints were dislocated. One of the men cried when remembering how the worst part of it for him was spending every night lying on his concrete slab hearing the screams of his fellow airmen being tortured and knowing he couldn't do anything to help them.

During one interrogation, a propaganda minister told one of the POWs that the war would be ended in the streets of America and that the POWs were part of that plan -- they were used as pawns to incite American protest against the war. And the airman was told that America could never win a war like that war, between two groups of the same country, and that once America finally understood that, it would all be over.

The stories they told were unbelievable. The dignity they exhibited when telling the stories was even more so. That sounds so trite, but it's true. They spent 5, 6, 7, 8 years of their lives imprisoned under horrific circumstances, and they seem to believe that what they went through was better than being killed in action, and they recognize that the welcome they received upon returning home and their treatment as heroes was so different from the way most of the other veterans were treated, and they acknowledge that it wasn't fair. They think everyone who fought in the war should have been welcomed home like they were.

And the cynical side of me wants to say that this is all formulaic bull, but when you see the men in their 50s with tears in their eyes and catches in their throats talking about what it was like and then you see footage of them in their 20s actually there, in handcuffs, with sunken cheeks and hollow eyes and pale skin that only got to go outside for 15 minutes a day, and you see the moment they are transferred from North Vietnamese to American custody and they are doing their best to salute their officers and to be brave, and you see their wives and children running to them across the tarmac and hear their voices shaking when a microphone is put before them upon their return and they say in a quivering voice, "God bless America," well, it all seems very real and true.

After I finished the movie earlier tonight, I went to the grocery store. And as I waited in line, I picked up a People magazine with a big spread about Paris Hilton and her "life behind bars." I have never been able to muster much of an opinion about Paris Hilton. The most I can do in her general direction is flare my nostrils and shrug. I've never understood all of the hoopla around her and I've never gotten worked up about her in any regard. But as I flipped through this article about her, this article about Paris Hilton, after having just watched a movie about men who spent 8 years of their lives being tortured as prisoners of war in the Hanoi Hilton, I suddenly developed a very strong opinion about Paris. And that is mainly that she should shut the fuck up, and that for her to paint herself -- or for the media to paint her -- as some kind of traumatized victim is so disgraceful that it makes me want to vomit.

In conclusion, I'm very glad that I watched this film the week of the 4th of July. And I hope that kids are being taught about this in history classes today, because I never was. And if you are at all interested in history and the suffering and the experiences that go on in war on all sides, this film is most definitely worth watching.

Take this sinking boat and point it home

It's Sunday night, and I'm listening to the Once soundtrack. Glen Hansard is singing "Say It to Me Now."

It was a full and lovely weekend. On Friday night, I did a lot of chores aroung the house that were long overdue. I woke up on Saturday morning, watched a little bit of Return with Honor, got packed up, stopped for a frozen coffee, and headed to see my boyfriend. On the way there, I had a nice long talk with my sister, who was stranded curbside in Queens with a dead car battery and a spilled iced coffee just trying to get the hell out of New York about religion and faith and whether it's possible to have faith in a higher power without having a religion and whether it's possible to believe in a higher power while deep down knowing that it's all pretend even if it's just to make yourself feel better about rotting in the ground vs. living on. It was a good talk, and it was good to talk to someone who understands where I am coming from in this realm probably better than anyone else ever could because we grew up in the same house believing the same things and now have many of the same questions and doubts.

Once I got to the big city, my boyfriend and I had lunch and went to see Once, which I loved. Loved, really, in italics. There was not a moment of it I did not love.

The next paragraph will be full of Once spoilers. I would not read it if you have not seen the movie and plan to because it will ruin it. Okay. Don't ruin it.

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Beginning of Once spoiler space.

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Don't read this next paragraph. I mean it!

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I started crying the first time she sat down at the piano in the back of the piano store and they sang "Falling Slowly" because not only is it a beautiful song, it was such a beautiful moment. It basically blew me away. And then I cried and cried and cried at the end, when it was clear she wasn't going to show up, when the piano got delivered and she smiled that huge smile, when it showed her with her husband and their daughter through the window, when he called his ex-girlfriend who looked perfectly nice in the old home movies, when their lives went on without each other. My boyfriend and I agreed that if for some reason you don't like the music in the film then you won't like the film, but I reckon, how can you not like the music? It is so beautiful. I thought their performances were so incredibly natural and real and moving. It was such a moving film. Even though part of me of course wanted them to live happily ever after, I think I liked that they didn't, or at least if they did, they didn't do it together. Even if their lives didn't dramatically change due to their meeting, at least on the outside, they changed so much, clearly, on the inside. And they'll always carry the secret of their experience and their lives will be better for it. GOD, THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME. I loved it so much, and the tears I cried weren't really sad tears. They were the good kind of tears, the tears of beholding something beautiful, the tears that make you feel cleansed.


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End of Once spoilers.

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After we saw Once, we went out for Vietnamese food and then went to see the Police! My knowledge of the Police is limited to basically whatever songs of theirs made it into the top 40. Which is clearly a lot of songs, because I knew most of them that they played. It was a very exciting concert on many levels. Part of it was my boyfriend about to dance out of his seat next to me, singing along to every word. Part of it was seeing his friend, a drummer, playing the air drums in his lap along with Stewart Copeland. Who, by the way, is one intense individual. He did not just play the drums. He PLAYED! THE! DRUMS! With total concentration and maniacal energy. It was pretty amazing to behold, actually. And Andy Summer, guitarist, was very interesting to watch. He did not really seem interested in putting on any kind of a show, breaking a smile, or in any doing anything but playing the living shit out of his guitar. It was almost like he was thinking, "I am Andy Summer. There is no one in this arena and possibly the universe who can play the guitar like I can, and I am getting paid a shit load for this, and everyone can really suck it." But then at one point he totally broke out of that blase, stony-faced attitude and started doing herkies across the stage. Which was so out of the blue that it made me love him a little bit.

Meanwhile, there was Sting. On the way to the concert, I said, "I hope that Sting wears a shirt that shows off his guns." And my boyfriend looked at me like I was crazy and I said, "Oops, did I just say that out loud?" And the admiration I feel for Sting isn't so much lust as it is just straight-up admiration that the man is 55 and still has the body of a very in-shape 21-year-old. I only wish I were in half as good of shape. Seriously. And the thing is, he obviously knows it. Copeland was insanely wailing on his drums with focus and the occasional burst of silliness, Summer was mostly just playing, like, "Eh, I rock," but Sting was such a natural showman. He smiled, he played his bass like he could do it in his sleep, he encouraged audience sing-a-longs, and he exuded such ease and such cool. Sting is just very cool. That is what he is. And yes, he did show off his guns. And he took several opportunities to promenade around the stage so people in all directions could take in his sunshine and light. At one point during "I Can't Stand Losing You" there was lots of singing along with the crowd and he said something about New Orleans being alive and that maybe if we sang loudly enough, they could hear us in Washington, DC, so I sang as loudly as I could, and I hoped Elizabeth could hear me, because she loves Sting more than anyone I know, and because I was singing to her.

This morning, we went out to brunch, where the best things were the fried green tomatoes crusted in parmesan with crawfish tails and remoulade sauce and my boyfriend's sazerac. We talked a little about faith, non-faith, and the place in between.

After hundreds of old video tapes cascaded upon my head when organizing my closets with contents ranging from many episodes of Life Goes On, Beauty and the Beast, The Rosie O'Donnell Show, thirtysomething, and such things as the 1991 People's Choice Awards and Bill Clinton's first inauguration celebration and the high school graduation episode of 90210, I decided to grab those featuring home movies of friends and family and head over to my dad's machine that lets you record VHS tapes onto DVDs. I only made it through one tape, but it was a great one, indeed. It has our 1991 family vacation where we spent two weeks driving from San Diego to San Francisco, recording every beautiful and annoying moment, and then my brother's 8th and my sister's 15th birthdays that December, then all of the Christmas festivities of that year. Visits from friends and relatives, a legendary rendition the rap song "Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?" by my older brother's best friend at the time while my friend gasped in laughter in the backround, my brother's recitation of inspirational speech after inspirational speech about American free enterprise, my sister telling me to get the camera out of her face repeatedly, my mom looking gorgeous and being infinitely patient, my sister being secretly filmed by me while sitting on our bedroom floor belting out Chicago's "You're the Inspiration," and my dad being hilarious and showing his dad how to use his new razor. Most of all, though, my little brother steals every show on this 1991 tape, being the most adorable 8-year-old ever to live, dressing up as Peter Pan and wearing his Terminator 2 t-shirt, singing "Happy Birthday" to himself, having a tantrum when my older brother took his bullsye-hitting dart off the dartboard to the point where he lay face down on the floor and screamed, "JERK! JERK!" at him, and then recovering and sitting calmly at the dinner table narrating about the whole affair: "He took my dart off the dartboard on purpose, and I pitched a fit. And then I spilled milk on my pants." And he was just sitting there, eating diced-up pieces of hot dog, milk all over his pants, matter-of-factly admitting his fit pitching, like, totally over it already, demonstrating at age 8 the mellow chillaxity that he still displays on a daily basis.

Watching the tape from that year, the year I was seventeen, when I was mostly behind the camera, and seeing that little glimpse into our loud and busy house and how we laughed and cried and yelled at each other -- and watching so much of it tonight with my parents as they said things like, "Woman, you had some hair back then," and seeing how they got bundled up on Christmas night to go walking around the neighborhood with my dad as the instigator and my mom going somewhat reluctantly but merrily along and how they still do the same thing every night fifteen years later ... it was too much. We are all so different now but also so the same.

And that was just parts of one year. And does not even begin to touch the hours and hours I have from filming my friends in high school and college being ridiculous and doing ridiculous and often dangerous things that I will definitely not be re-watching with my parents in the room like today. I called Maryelizabeth to tell her what she was doing on this one tape I was reviewing from New Year's Day, 1993, our senior year of high school (lecturing, "All of my friends' kids are going to have birth defects because all they do is SMOKE!" and lying on the couch under a blanket singing "Welcome to the Jungle") and I was laughing so hard that when he answered the phone her husband thought I was crying.

I think I would like to buy a new video camera.

And now, a scan of a card I bought at Jazz Fest that I love.