Baby feedin'
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We are really having an awful time. My second daughter is now 12 weeks old and is exclusively breastfed. I am considering dropping some feedings and doing formula supplements just due to the stress level. I would prefer not to do this, but the quality of our family life has significantly declined as of late.
I have a 3.5-year-old daughter who is having a rough time adjusting to her new baby sister. The baby has severe reflux and is on Prevacid. I suspect she may be a high-needs baby, too. She is almost never content when awake and is just a very intense baby -- we cannot leave the house. She screams her head off in the car seat. She does okay if I wear her in the baby bjorn or pouch and is actually sleeping in the pouch right now as I type this. She also does okay if we do The Happiest Baby on the Block swaddle, side, swing, and shush with her. In fact, I have found that it's easiest just to breastfeed with her swaddled because otherwise she will just bob on/off the breast and only eat for about 5 minutes at a feeding. Even swaddled, though, it feels like some kind of gymnastics event because she will nurse in cradle position for about 3-4 minutes and then I end up shifting her to an upright football hold for another 3-4 minutes.
Needless to say, nursing her is downright HARD, and I thought by 12 weeks we would fall into some kind of decent rhythm. This is further complicated by my return to work 3 days/week as of yesterday. I will be pumping at work, so I'm not worried about that, but my oldest daughter has a weekly t-ball game and swim lesson on Monday and Friday that would prevent me from going straight home to nurse the baby. I think it is important that I be available for my oldest baby, too.
I am just at a loss because I constantly feel stressed and on edge. My baby doesn't really eat on any kind of a schedule--she's a grazer and does better with short, frequent feeds. I feel like I am constantly rushing and living life from feed to feed, which would be fine if I didn't have another daughter to take care of and work part-time.
I would just like to know how other moms do this? I really, really wanted to exclusively breastfeed until 6 months, and I certainly don't think formula will improve her reflux. I just think something has to give. Has anyone been through this, and if so, what worked?
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Thanks to anyone who might have suggestions. I love my friend and her daughters, and this is my way to try and help her out since clearly I know nothing about breastfeeding or things of that nature. Frankly, I'm amazed at how well she's handling this, as I can barely handle my pets.
posted by eliza @ 10:01 AM
14 Comments:
This isn't going to be very helpful *right now* but my middle daughter was EXACTLY the same way. Unfortunately, I ended up sticking it out until she was a year old and then completely stopped breast feeding her the day after her 1st birthday (she was ANGRY!) for about a day or two and then eventually she reluctantly started taking a cup/bottle because she was starving. It was a miserable year and she was a miserable baby.
HOWEVER, she is 14 now and by far has been my easiest child (once that first year was over). I know it's hard and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Sorry I don't have any suggestions except that I've been "there" and it was so hard and it was years before I had another baby because of it. But...like everything else, it will pass.
Sounds like you are a busy mom without the stress of breastfeeding (which is supposed to be a relaxing time!). I breastfeed until my son was 7 months old with supplements after he was around 4 months. Maybe the baby would be more satisfied with a small amount of formula along with the breast milk. This might get the baby on a feeding schedule. It might just make the entire experience a little easier. Believe me, I am no expert, but maybe your hectic schedule of rushing around is felt by the baby - this could cause the odd feeding times, etc.
I used to be very Breastmilk-only. But with my second baby and lots of added stress, I changed my tune. Tell your friend that she should do what feels right. And it sounds like she's at her wits end. I recommend mixing breastmilk with the formula, and keep up the pumping schedule while she's working so that her supply keeps up. The other thing I did is sleep with the baby so I could nurse her in the middle of the night while still manage to get enough sleep to work and be a sane mommy. Give your friend lots of hugs.
It's so hard because every baby is so different. I'd echo the suggestion to cosleep, and I'd also suggest experimenting with different wraps and carriers-the Baby Bjorn is not the most comfy one out there, though it's very popular (thebabywearer.com is a fabulous resource). She may be a baby that needs to be worn a lot, and that would leave your hands free to be w/your other little one. If you can figure out how to get her to nurse in the sling, you'd be golden (I was never good at that). Have you tried using the Miracle Blanket to swaddle? It was the only thing that held our youngest still. Also, have you experimented w/your diet? Eliminating dairy, all that? If you are really committed to breastfeeding then I'd personally probably stay away from adding formula right now if you can help, esp since nursing isn't going great. On the other hand, if you're flexible on this issue, you can try mixing some formula in and see how that goes. I agree that if reflux is her issue, formula may not help, but might be worth a try. Good luck-this is so hard :(
Ask Moxie (http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/) and Kellymom (http://www.kellymom.com/) are great resources for parenting/mothering/breastfeeding if she has time to search their websites.
If she can't get exclusive breastfeeding/pumping to work for her and her family, by all means supplement with formula.
As a fellowing working, nursing, pumping mom, I had a very rapid decline in my supply when my 1st baby started taking the bottle more than the breast so that's something to keep in mind. I had some success with using fenugreek to up my supply, but the diminished nursing eventually took a toll.
I could have written your post, but that was seven months ago and I know everything looks better when you're not IN IT. FWiW, what helped us was to:
1. wear the baby all the time to eventually cut down on crying.
2. cosleep so she eats lots of little meals in the night rather than giant ones that aggravate the reflux
3. pump enough to have a bottle I could afford to lose, and bring that bottle with us when we went out in case I couldn't breastfeed.
4. let go of a lot of the stuff I wanted to do, including some soccer games. I kept telling myself, This is a year, tops. Hand off some parenting to Dad.
And just as a side note, if formula would make a quality of life difference, go for it. You breastfed for three months--that's great.
When we were still in the hospital my son was hungrier than I could provide him so we were supplementing with formula in the very beginning. Many people told us that it was hard to do both but he never had a problem with it- he was fine with breastfeeding and fine with the bottle. (The boy just liked his food!)
The nice thing about the bottle was that my husband could feed him as well, so he got to have that fun from the beginning and I did just fine - I didn't dry up at all until I stopped completely.
As this has become such a stressful thing for you, I really have to tell you to do whatever you can to make it easier. Don't beat yourself up that you have to hang in there on breastfeeding - if she is miserable and you are miserable then the best thing is to do what helps you both.
Colleen
I breastfed til my baby was six weeks because I got mastitis and couldn't get rid of it. For a while there, I alternated breast feeds with bottle feeds and my milk adjusted to that. You could at least try a formula feed with a bottle just to see if it makes her any happier or more settled.
I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 5 month old. As others said, do what feels right.
That being said, you running around stressed out with a high needs baby is just making you and, I am assuming, everyone else who lives with you, miserable.
If the formula makes life easier and eases your stress then you owe it to yourself and your family to give it a shot. It can't hurt anything - especially if you pump and freeze it to keep your supply up - then if you feel BF is something you want to revisit you won't have a problem. Good Luck!
I am often the lone voice when it comes to this topic, but my two daughters were/are exclusively formula fed. And there's nothing wrong with that. You need to do what's best for you and your family without falling into a guilt trap about exclusively breastfeeding (and none of the comments here are in that vein; I'm speaking in general terms of the media, baby books, parenting websites, etc.). I currently have a six-month old who has been formula-fed from hour one. She has been sleeping through the night since 7 weeks. She's been taking 6 oz of formula at each feeding since right around that time as well. My older daughter had colic, not severely, but was still a good night sleeper (most of her colic attacks were during the day).
Given your baby's fussiness, has your pediatrician diagnosed colic or anything else other than the reflux? I remember very vividly with both daughters that the 10-12 week time frame is the turning point of when they change over from a "newborn" to an "infant" that is on more of a schedule. Hopefully, your baby is about to turn a corner and become more content. And there are so many different formulas out there now for babies with digestive problems such as soy-based instead of milk-based that might not make the reflux worse. I wish you luck and hope you can find some peace soon. I can sympathize in general about the transition from one to two children (it's a lot more work!)combined with a return to work, etc. As one of the anon posters said, it's just temporary until the younger baby starts to get to that less-needy stage. I keep telling myself that same thing when I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions.
Thanks so much for your input, both in the comments and in your e-mails. I have passed them all along to my friend, who very much appreciates them!
I don't have advice, but if she loves Corky St. Clair and The Office, I feel she is my soulmate.
One thing that might help to remember is that as babies get older (around 3 months counts as older for breastfeeding purposes), they become much more efficient at feeding. So what used to take 20-30 minutes when she was a newborn, may only take 5-10 minutes now. Some babies just aren't patient enough to suck hard at the beginning to get the milk flowing, so she may be happier if your friend can pump to the point of letdown and then place the baby on the breast so that she gets immediate milk rather than having to work for it. Also, breast compressions during feeding will keep the flow steady for little Miss Impatient. (Placing her hand in an inverted C shape with the thumb at the top of her breast above the areola and lightly squeezing from back to front to massage the milk out.) The baby is also reaching a distractible stage that is very normal developmentally. Any kind of sound or movement is usually enough to pop my son off as he investigates which can really drag out the length of a feeding. Being in a dark room or limiting distractions as much as possible can help. Also,it is a great idea that she is swaddling the baby, flailing of the limbs really makes a baby stop focusing on what they are doing. Having said all that, breastmilk is great but having a happy baby/mother is way more important. Your friend knows her baby better than anyone on the planet and if her instinct is telling her to supplement or switch to formula she should do it. I have a magnet on my fridge that my mom gave me that is a quote from Dr. Benjamin Spock who was a baby expert back when we were all kids--it say "You know more than you think you do." Your friend should feel free to do what is right for her baby and family and screw the boob nazis who would give her a hard time about it.
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to thank all of you for the comments and emails. Baby E is doing better now, and I think part of my freak out was due to having way too many balls in the air at one time and feeling like I needed to be "all-or-nothing" for each one of those balls. I am really trying to relax more about the breastfeeding and not feel like a horrible mom if I am late for or miss one breastfeeding session. At the same time, I am not ready to quit breastfeeding, so I am working on a happy medium...if that is even possible to attain in this day and age. I know this too shall pass, so in the meantime, if some things get done less than perfectly or if I have to let some things slide, then so be it. Thanks again, everyone!
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