Birthday

I've kind of had the birthday blues today. There's no good reason for them. I am going now make a list of good things to force myself to focus on what is good.

My girlfriend I've known since age 10 special-ordered some yummy-smelling face stuff for me that she swears is the bee's knees and also gave me a Hallmark sound card that presented Michael Scott talking about reverse psychology when I opened it and in which she wrote that she hopes I'll enjoy some lemoñadé on my birthday. I tried the facial scrub last night for the first time, and it smelled like a big pineapple exploded in my bathroom. It smelled like breakfast in Mexico and Costa Rica, those big plates of huge pineapple wedges that I would eat until I almost burst.

My girlfriend I've known since I was eight sent me a friendship box. I called her so we could be on the phone when I opened it, and I love it, along with the card she sent. She talked me down off the ledge this afternoon when I complained irrationally about things that are bothering me today and said she's glad we can take turns being surly and and can take turns talking each other out of it. I am very glad about that, too.

My sister sent me some soap that smells so good that it makes me feel like fainting. My older brother called and sang "Happy Birthday" into my voicemail.

I shared with my co-workers this afternoon chocolate cake with layers of raspberry coulis, pecans, and caramel sauce. It might be the world's most perfect cake.

I spent an inordinate amount of time last night trying to take pictures of my cat jumping from one bed to another as I tossed a milk bottle tab back and forth. That I have such a cat and such time to ridiculously waste is something to be grateful for, I think. Last night I held her tightly close to my face and just smelled her and smelled her. She smells clean and she always, always wants to sit on top of me and even if it's just to keep warm and because she thinks I might drop some food, it still makes me feel loved.

I am beyond frustrated with my plumbing situation because I received an invoice higher than what I was quoted and the toilet that was broken somehow in the repairing of the plumbing line was supposedly fixed but is now broken in another way and somehow cost me an extra $100 ... but I have not paid yet and so that is a good thing, for they will not get my money until it actually does what a toilet is supposed to do and that is flush. So I feel kind of disempowered by my intimidation concerning the plumber, but I tell myself as long as I still have my money, I am still in power. That I allow myself to get so intimidated is something I don't like about myself but I am working on it.

I think I have lost the necklace and earrings that my boyfriend bought me for Christmas and Valentine's Day by being careless with them in a box in my car (that I think the box fell out of) and it has been making me extremely sick to the heart and stomach, but I talked to the jewelry artist today and hope to replace the set soon. It won't be the same as having the actual pieces he picked out for me but it will be almost the same. So that is a good thing coming out of a bad thing.

In the three days I have not run since the half-marathon, I have been pretty morose. I don't know if it's because I am lost without a training schedule to plan my day around or it's because my body is suffering from a severe endorphins deficiency, but it has been a pretty awful feeling. Though I don't relish strapping on my running shoes again, I think I am going to have to if only to break out of this dark fog of laziness in which I've been enveloped the past three days. I don't really need to run far, I don't think, or fast, but I need to be outside and I need to get my heart pumping again and my legs moving again. So looking forward to doing that tomorrow is a cheering thought.

My boyfriend will be here soon.

My mom cooked dinner tonight. We ate shrimp stew and fried shrimp and corn and carrot salad and cornbread and her special ice cream dessert with caramel and nuts and oats and chocolate syrup that all gets mixed together and frozen and cut into squares of deliciousness. My little brother gave me the latest Dixie Chicks CD, my brother's girlfriend gave me a beautiful plant, and my parents read me a special birthday prayer and gave me a cookbook, some money, and best of all, a duffel bag on wheels from QVC.