Oh deer

I was outside with my dogs a few minutes ago and saw Zuko sniffing something fuzzy in the grass near the house. I did my automatic "get away from that fuzzy thing" yell like I usually do when it's a mouse or a bird. I've become strong about my dogs catching mice or birds or even little snakes. Those are normal things that live in backyards. But I thought tonight they'd caught their first squirrel. I told my boyfriend I'd need to call him back and inspected it further. The long, furry thing sort of looked like a squirrel's tail. But it had some really large bones sticking out of it and was too long to be a squirrel's tail. I got a little closer and saw that it had ... a hoof. A big black hoof. I screamed and flailed and did what all 31-year-old women do when faced with a dead deer's leg in their backyard. I called my parents. They were supportive and humored me but I knew I needed in-the-flesh support. I called my next-door neighbor, and I said, "Can you come stand by me while I shovel a dead deer's leg into a plastic bag? I'm scared." She rushed over in her robe and said she was watching "Grey's Anatomy" and I felt terrible but she said, "I'm TiVoing it." Of course! TiVo is a blessing in all of our lives. She ended up holding the bag for me because it was really windy and we were truly a sight. Her in her bathrobe and slippers and me in my sweatpants and sweatshirt and shovel hollering, "I swear I won't touch you with it, oh my God, oh my God, I am going to throw up." She was very calm. Thank God. Meanwhile my phone rang and it was my mom, who announced, "Daddy's on his way over." I said, "No! I've got it taken care of! It's in the bag. It's in the bag!" She ran out the door and chased him down the driveway to tell him never mind. Now I've got a big dead deer's leg in a big black trash bag in my trash can and I was all set for the garbage truck to take it away in the morning but my boyfriend thinks I should call Animal Control or Wildlife & Fisheries to report it just in case there's been a rash of dead deer parts in people's yards or something and that they might want to check it for diseases or something. I should have taken a picture of it or something, but I was too beside myself and now I can't face it again. Meanwhile I am panicking severely that my dogs gnawed on the dead deer's leg and are going to be poisoned and die. Or that my other neighbors hate me so much that they went hunting and threw a deer's leg into my yard where my dogs could possibly eat it and die or where it would nearly scare me to death. So there it sits in the trashcan which I pulled away from the curb so it won't go out with tomorrow's trash. And I poured bleach all over the grass. And it makes me feel very sick and weird. Poor deer. It's not like I live in the country or in the forest where deer typically scamper about. It's not like a big-assed deer leapt over my fence in the middle of the city and left its amputeed leg behind. It's just nasty and sad and scary and bad. I just want my dogs to not have gotten sick. And I want to not find any more parts of deer carcass in the daylight tomorrow morning.